Christian Group Plans to Change the Names of the Days of the Week

COLUMBUS (HJ) – Did you know that many of the names for the days of the week are based on old pagan beliefs and mythology? One Ohio Christian coalition group didn’t until recently and now they plan on doing something about it. The Christian Guardians of His Word is a collection of churches from around the state of Ohio. Church leaders meet on a quarterly basis to discuss regional issues and politics. An emergency meeting was called when one of the members read their child’s English language book and realized that the days of the week are based on “weird gods and heathen worship.”

It was decided that the group would create a new set of Christian friendly names for the days of the week and then petition their local representatives to force the government to make it official. The team of representatives from 37 churches gathered at Our Peoples of God’s Church in Columbus, Ohio to decide upon the new names.

Debate started immediately when someone suggested changing Sunday to "God's Day." At first it seemed like a positive change, until one member realized that every day is God’s day and that they should not narrow it down to one single day. For a few hours, debate raged between going with the assumption that everyone would understand that everyday is God’s day and the opposite end of the spectrum of calling Sunday, "God's Day 1" and going through the week in order "God's Day 2", "God's Day 3" and so on. In the end it was decided to call Sunday “Church Day” with the understanding that everyone knows that every day is God's Day.

For the next several hours, the rest of the days of the week were pounded out. Monday would become "Work Day." Tuesday would become "Spirit Day." There was a difference in opinion if Wednesday or Thursday should be called "Wash Day" as different people bathe and do laundry on different days of the week. As many members attend their individual churches on Wednesday as well, they decided to replace Wednesday with “Wash Up Day” to play upon the words sounding like “worship day.” Thursday is to become known as "Love Day" and everyone agreed to call Friday "Pizza Night Day." Saturday, of course, will be known as "Cartoon Day."

The Christian Guardians of His Word have put together a statement of suggestion and will begin petitioning their representatives in the new year on Love Day the 1st in God’s Month 4.

4 comments:

cl-beer said...

It's getting so hard to tell the satire from what Christians are actually doing. Poe's law strikes again.

Blue Roses said...

It's probably because they are just now realizing that the abbreviations for Wednesday, Thursday and Friday is: WTF.

The Gourmez said...

Sadly, I agree with cl-beer. I applaud your effort while it also makes me sad to consider its plausibility. And I'm a christian.

Anonymous said...

The entire English language is made up of pagan languages.

Jesus didn't even speak Hebrew. He spoke Aramaic. He also didn't wear pants, drive an SUV or bomb countries for oil.