Scan from Parenting Magazine I think it's really the look on the kid's face that creeps me out. He seems half sad and half kill-you...

Original Photo by Annie Hintsala U-Turn sign by mag3737

Miss Sally is my wife. But you already knew that. What many of you have asked me is why I call Miss Sally, "Miss Sally." To mak...

I tend to be a phone prick. The sales people on the other end sense this and usually hang up before I say anything wiseass-ish. We’re on t...

New York (HJ) – In front of a busy Sunday saleroom and crowded telephone bank at Sotheby’s New York today, against a pre-sale estimate of US...

Dear HolyJuan, My friend and I got into an argument you might be able to settle for us. Who's tougher? Chuck Norris or Dan Cortese? My b...

A few months ago, I had a great, original idea for a t-shirt. I spent about three minutes on the photoshop and then zipped on over to Skree...

My nicknames in alphabetical order: Doug E Fresh Doug Funny Dougie Big Nuts Drain Bamage Handsy Lancaster Mr. Doug Mr. P Pahoehoe ...

I spent too much time trying to decide if the first one was grammatically correct before I noticed the second one.

There is a "beauty doctor" in Westerville, OH that advertises in the free local rag. I enjoy her pencil sketches of what miracles...

ATHENS, OH (HJ) – Extremely conservative scientists Dr. Handons and Dr. Remerick were dismayed earlier today after their successful opening ...

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HOLLAND OH (HJ) - High school senior Cheryl Heft of Toledo, Ohio was saddened, but relieved to find out that she did not have the mystical p...

A little bit ago (seven months), I won an award for an article I wrote about Hollywood running out of 555 numbers . The award is Pageant of...

We caught this guy in mid-bite of his invisible sandwich. Maybe the mayo was bad?

CRAWFORD, TX (HJ) – The first three months out of office are being called a success by former President George W. Bush. “I’d pretty much ca...

By Donna Willis Web Content Coordinator Source COLUMBUS, Ohio—A man said he was beaten with a hammer after playing a video game at someone’s...

The best part about Chicago is that you can find some really great deals on furniture! While in Chicago, I was surfing on Craig's List ...

COLUMBUS-(HJ) Made up internet statistics are up a staggering 78% over the past six months, reported researchers from The Ohio University Sc...

My newest t-shirt design at Skreened.com is a tribute to my friend Kit: Check it out at http://skreened.com/holyjuan/kit-peery-s-bike-shirt...

While in Chicago this weekend, Eric shared with us a story about this note: Eric was seeking a parking spot in downtown Chicago. When he fo...

I think the lesson here is never leave Kit alone with a can of paint and a brush. Oh. And when Kit asks about the bike shirt, just say, ...

Photo by Freckled Jenn

Dear HolyJuan, Who's hotter, Chelsea Clinton or Bristol Palin? Signed, Sr. Blanco P.S. Could you expand the question to include...

Freckled Jenn made a slight spacial error and backed her car into her husband's jeep. It left a hole in her bumper. I asked her how bi...

You'd never know it, but I love Scrabble. Here's my Scrabble name score: Pholph's Scrabble Generator My Scrabble© Score is: 21....

Several of these concrete benches line the driveway in front of my office. If you lost a wrench, I think I have found it. The concrete arou...