HolyJuan: Erik

Showing posts with label Erik. Show all posts

Creation Museum - Dinosaur Extinction

I have to bet that it was the rugged, good looks of that hunter that killed off the dinosaurs. Or his complete gayness.

I assume that it was Photoshop the actually made the dinosaurs disappear.

Doug Eats: Deluxe Grass Jelly Dessert - What is that which is not solid and not liquid but gives gas?

Last week, the team planned a fun lunch at the local Chinese all you can eat. Sadly, Ann got a fever and I could not join in the fun. Lucky for me, Jenn and Stephanie stopped next door at the Chinese grocery and picked me up some food for me to try out. Seeing as Erik is still dead from the Erik Eats a few months ago, it was my turn to step up.

Stephanie and Jenn with gifts of food.

Today on ~~Erik Eats~~ Doug Eats... Deluxe Grass Jelly Dessert

I'm not sure what it says on the can, but I assume that it explains how physics and gravity are both suspended within the confines of the can.

The top of the can has a lid with a folded up spoon on the inside. F'ing cool!

Transformers! More than meets the eye!

Bourarachutchchingcunchingchun!! (That is the transforming noise.)

Jen tests the spoon to see if it works and to remove any germs with her anti-bacterial saliva.

The top of the can has instructions on how to open it.

I follow them very carefully and mind my hand in the process.

Wait... my teeth are pretty grimy. I'm going to head to my dentist's office and get them cleaned and whitened. I'll be right back.

Much better!

Here is what opening the can reveals:

Holy shit! This looks like a collection of every gall stone removed in June of 1972.

We dump some of this on a plate to get a better look at the components.

We separate into the four food groups: ass, gunk, brown gel and goo

Instead of throwing this into the trash and running like a little girl down the hall and into the bathroom, I try it.

I love Stephanie's reaction in this one.

Wow. It is very hard to pallet the combination of solids and gels. There is a slight sweet taste, but only a man who eats sand for lunch could call this dessert.

Doug says...

I have to call this stuff a choking hazard.

HOLY SHIT! IT'S ERIK! BACK FROM THE DEAD!

Upon hearing my statement that the Deluxe Grass Jelly Dessert is a choking hazard, Erik wants to do a scientific study. He uses a tool of the trade, a choking detector.

This Safety 1st device lets the user know if something is a choking hazard. If the item fits in the device, it is a choking hazard. Erik fills it with this faux Newtonian Fluid.

Down the hatch!

Well. Not a choking hazard, but it does work as a great substitute for syrup of ipecac.

Next Week: Seven Days of Erik Eats!!

Erik Eats Ribon Milk Soft Candy: Solid Udder Squirt Yum Snack Taste with Surprise

Erik was very hungry today, but he was also very thirsty. He desired a healthy food, but a sugary snack. He wanted a full belly, but also a way to straighten his bent spine. Is there any snack out there that can suffice?

YES!!

Ribon Milk Soft Candy!

An inspection of the package reveals a cow and the suggestion of health:

At last! A not too sticky calcium enriched soft-candy that’s both healthy and tasty.

Erik likes tasty.
Erik likes healthy.
Erik likes not too sticky on his belly. I mean, in his belly.

Pull one out Erik and let’s take a look.