"Blue Laws" Anger Local Man, Plans to Ban Wednesday Services

COLUMBUS OH (HJ) - Bruce M. Targe of Hilliard, OH recently tried to buy some wine at his local Gas n’ Sip convenience store. “The wife and I were headed out of town to our cabin and we were stocking up for the week.” He was surprised to find that he could not buy wine on Sundays until 1:00pm due to Ohio’s “Blue Laws” that restrict alcohol sales because of antiquated religious standards.
Instead of complaining about it, Mr. Targe decided to take action. He is currently collecting signatures to put forth legislation on what he has christened, “Orange Laws.” In short, Orange Laws would restrict religious services on Wednesdays between 4:30pm and 11:59pm. Mr. Targe explains, “You talk to any religious person and they’ll say that Blue Laws are not that much of an inconvenience. Well, Wednesday night is my bowling night and the mega-church up the road has services at the same time. There’s traffic all up and down the road on the way there and coming back is just as bad when they let out.” By restricting church during that time with an “Orange Law,” Mr. Targe can free up his commute to bowling and show the religious what it is like to be inconvenienced.

So far Mr. Targe has collected about 278 signatures. He got the idea for Orange Laws for all those dads who were missing bowling night. He smirked, “Hey dads, “orange” you glad you don’t have to go to church?”

Upon hearing of the possible legislation, Pastor Art Phelps of the “Our Peoples of God’s Church” stated that new “Orange Laws” are a serious issue. Pastor Phelps stated, “This is a serious issue. Our Church meets on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Pizza Night Day and Sunday. We do not think we could move our Wednesday service to Saturday as our congregation is usually churched out by then and needs a day of rest before we power though all day Sunday services.”

Pastor Phelps has started his own “Anti-Orange Laws” petition and has gathered 18 signatures. They plan to sell wine and cheese gift baskets to raise money for a continued campaign.

Facebook Gold Membership

Do you have a Facebook Gold Membership?

The process for getting one is pretty simple and soon your friends will be asking for details on how they can become Facebook Gold Members.

Take the photo above and save it to your computer. Upload it to your Facebook account. Make it your profile photo. Now add an Status Update that suggests, "I've just signed up for a Facebook Gold Membership! They have a "Dislike" button for Gold Members!"

Ta da! You are now a Gold Member.

When friends ask questions, use these replies:

"Status Update visible to Gold Account Members only."
"Gold Account beta update in progress. Please be patient!"
"Automatic Reply: This service unavailable for non-Gold members."

Even better, take that photo and make 20 copies and upload it as an album. Then start tagging your friends in random places in the photo. When they go to look at the photo, they will think they are missing out on something.

Special thanks to reddit.com!

(Holy shit... people are getting pissed off! Being exclusive is tough.)

How to get ink off my privates?

I thought I would ask the question for Todd P. of Alaska.


You can answer here.

Do the Hard Thing First

Dad always said, "Do the hard thing first." If you do that hard homework first, the rest will be cake. If you tackle the hard yard work first, it’s all down hill after that.

Today I didn’t and I am very happy that I did not.

When I brought the kids home last night, there was about 5” of snow in the driveway. I was able to get the van up and into the garage, but the Civic would have trouble getting up without issue. So I shoveled.

We got an additional 5” after I shoveled and the city plows did a great job both clearing the roads and piling up an 18” wall of snow at the end of my driveway.

Thinking about father’s words, I got the shovel and headed to the end of the driveway. After two shovelfuls, I realized that while this might not be an Augean stable effort, it was going to take a bit of time and energy. In lieu of getting my iPod, I went up to the garage and got out the radio. And while I was at the top of the driveway, I took the easy way out and started there where there was only newly fallen snow.

It took me about 30 minutes to get to the bottom of the driveway and I once again heard my father’s words. I was dreading the huge clumps of compacted ice and snow and now wished that I would have heeded…

Just then a Westerville city maintenance truck with a small plow on the front came up the street. I gave a friendly wave as he drove past with his plow in the air. He waved back and slowed down so that he could do a three point turn in the road. He lowered his plow and I moved back out of the way as he cleared the end of the drive. In ten seconds and two pushes, he was done.

Turns out I did do the hard thing first.

Thanks, dad.

Jesus' Shadow

Scams, Natural General Health Remedies, snake oil and other lies

Hello to all the folks out there looking for information on scams or “Natural General Health Remedies” or snake oil or mynaturalremediesnow or placebos or my natural remedies now.

You see, while nature holds many medical mysteries and secrets, it takes years of scientific research to determine if a substance is helpful to humans. Many products out on the market today work off peoples’ fears and hopes for a quick cure. These natural products or homeopathic cures are complete bunk. If you think a glass of water can hold the memory of some poison and then build up your resistance, then I have a bridge made of iocane powder I’d like to sell you.

Here is a list of words:
Natural General Health Remedies
Scam
Natural General Health Remedies
Snake oil
Natural General Health Remedies
Idiots
Natural General Health Remedies
Unhealthy

Thank you,

HolyJuan

Dave is coming back for a visit

Dave is coming back to Columbus for a visit and we will be at Skully's on the 18th. Come join us for fun and frivolity.



This is Dave and I in July of 2008. We snuck off to Detroit to go check out an exhibit and accidentally made it to a Detroit baseball game. We had a lot of fun that day. If I realized how much I would miss him I assume that we would have snuck off more often. Now it costs a few hundred bucks just to spend a day together, but seeing how it is him paying for it, it is totally worth it.

Come out and meet up with us if you get a chance. E-mail me for info: holyjuan@gmail.com.

Meshell is coming to town!

Yeah! Meshell is coming back into town!

She's way better than Dave!

I posted you first!

Someone is unhappy with Pete Colburn

(Author's note: The petecolburn.com website owner left some messages below in the comments. This was exactly as Ender had suggested!)

I keep an eye on my site traffic and I noticed there was a link coming into my site from www.petecolburn.info. I went to check out his site to see if Pete had anything interesting going on. When the link popped up, I thought I did something wrong, because instead of a new site popping up, my web site appeared. At the top of the page was www.petecolburn.info, but the page was my How To Steal Your Best Friend's Girlfriend article.

Screenshot of www.petecolburn.info

I immediately thought something fishy was going on, so I contacted my buddy Ender who knows a bit about computers. I asked him if he thought something malicious was going on or if this guy was stealing my content.

Here is his reply:

There's three pertinent details here:

1.) The domain in question points to your domain, but isn't a rigged scraping of your domain (ie, all the links actually point to HolyJuan.com)

2.) The domain is question is registered anonymously.

3.) The domain in question points towards only one of your articles, to wit, an article on stealing girlfriends.

I'm 99.9% certain that somebody's making a point to Mr. Pete Colburn of God-knows-where, USA. If I'm wrong, and they're trying to claim your content as theirs, they're incompetent.

So while we are not 100% sure, it sounds like a certain Mr. Pete Colburn might have stolen his buddy's girlfriend and said buddy is unhappy enough about it to buy a web site and stick me in the middle of it.

That should teach him. And me.

iTouch to iPad Upgrade Part 2