Turn about is fair play for McCain


Empty, originally uploaded by berik.

You may have heard the rumor that Obama kicked three reporters off his campaign jet to make room for a few other media types. The three he kicked off came from newspapers who endorsed McCain.

McCain announced that he, too, was going to remove all the reporters from his campaign jet that came from media outlets that endorsed Obama.

You can see the results.

The Crunchie

A crunchie is a collection of congealed, random deep fryer particles that gather together over several rounds of fast food fries, fish bits, nuggets or cheese sticks and somehow gain buoyancy and are set free once they are big enough to get stuck in the small metal openings of the wire basket.

This crunchie managed to make it past Quality Control person #13 at the local Arby's.



The penny is not there to help you determine the size of the crunchie, but rather to make you think about which would be healthier to swallow.

Anyone got any photographic evidence of a larger crunchie or should I send this photo off to Guinness World Records?

Screenshot of John McCain's 1/2 hour infomercial

Sarah Palin chooses “Joe the Plumber” as her Vice Vice President

ST. LOUIS, Missouri (HJN) – In an unprecedented turn of events, Governor Sarah Palin has announced that “Joe The Plumber” Wurzelbacher will be running as her Vice Vice President in the 2008 Election. The announcement came shortly after her three hour deposition to the state Personnel Board, which is looking into whether she unfairly fired Alaska's public safety director this summer.

Surrounded by her family and the Wurzelbacher family, Governor Palin made the announcement at a planned, impromptu press conference, “I think that any true American would be just as proud as all get out to have “Joe the Plumber” as their Vice Vice President."

When questioned about the role of the Vice Vice President, Governor Palin was keen to reply, “Cleaning up Washington is gonna take a lot of work and elbow grease. While John is off killing the terrorists and while I am running the Senate and the House, and my VVP “Joe the Plumber” will be in DC, unclogging the pipes of democracy.”

A press release later announced in detail some more of his official roles:
Captain of the Post Office
Leader of Highway Making
National Park Lumberjack Boss
Coast Guard Person Man
Todd Palin #1 Drinking Buddy East of the Mississippi

“Joe The Plumber” was a bit taken back by all the attention, “It all happened kind of fast. I was working on my 03’ taxes when a bunch of really nice guys in suits came in and asked me sports trivia questions for about an hour. Sarah said it sounded rough and that her vetting only lasted half as long.”

Directly after the press conference, Governor Palin was overheard discussing the Vice Vice President position with a reporter who was questioning the validity of a Vice President creating the role of Vice Vice President. She happily replied, “Listen silly goose, if there’s anything I’ve learned in the past eight years, it’s that the Vice President can pretty much do what ever they want.”

HolyJuan's YankFest Marathon Weekend and a new site partner!

Hello Loyal Readers,

As you all know, this weekend’s “HolyJuan's YankFest Marathon” will be a mastabatorial frenzy of self gratification. During this 48 hour self-manipulating tug and toss, we hope to get at least 80 readers to unleash their inner seed(s). I saw that KY stock went up 15% on the news of this impending, self wankifying event.

While every male is covering his belly in creamy man-onnaise and all the girls are writhing in self glory, I’d like to let you know that we have a new site partner. WELCOME ABOARD TABUP.COM!!

I’m not sure what tabup.com is, but the guy e-mailed me and asked if I could promote his product. I’m guessing he blindly searched the internet and found my site and sent me an e-mail without really doing any site research.

The e-mail he sent said that his product will “strengthen group interaction” so I’m guessing that it will help when two or more of you are enjoying each other’s loins.

So, while you are all giving yourself a raise this weekend, think about me and think about tabup.com –

I’d also like you all to remember not to randomly send out e-mails asking to be promoted on a site that you don’t read.

Man annoyed that his Ron Paul 2008 yard sign has not been stolen

WESTERVILLE, OH - This election has not been working out as planned for John Laughlin of Westerville, Ohio. “I voted for Paul in the primaries. When that didn’t stick, we started a write-in campaign for Ron. My yard sign has been proudly displayed for thirty two weeks now and I haven’t had one theft yet. It’s a bit discouraging”

The sign is displayed prominently in Laughlin’s yard on a busy side street. He guided me through some of his defenses. “I spent $150 on motion detectors and $75 on extra cable for my webcam.” His plan to capture possible thieves in the act has gone unexecuted. “I’ve got the sign pulled up so that getting it out of the ground would not take much effort.”

While Obama and McCain supporters in the neighborhood point fingers at each other concerning a recent string of sign thefts, Mr. Laughlin shakes his head. “I thought I would be out here every day chasing off Freedom Naysayers. Instead, these other two clowns get all the sign theft press. Hell, even the Peterson's 'Elect Nader' sign got knocked over at least once."

Like any Ron Paul supporter, Mr. Laughlin is very positive, “There’s always 2012! I just have to edit the existing 2012 signs I had made up to get rid of the ‘Re-Elect’ to just read ‘Elect.’”

Miss Sally and Doug - Halloween 2008

I got a call from Miss Sally on Friday. I was in a meeting, so I let it go to voice mail. A minute later, she called back. As you know, this is couples' secret code for "THIS IS IMPORTANT" so I made my leave and ducked into the hallway to answer the call.

"I'm at Target and I am looking at costumes."

It was an important call!

"What did you find?"

"Costumes from 'The Learning Channel.'"

I asked, "You mean like lion and tiger Learning Channel costumes?"

"No. From the Miami Ink line. Tattooed chick and dude costumes."

"Buy them. Buy them now."

So here we are:

Miss Sally and Doug with a slightly concerned Anne.




Greg is excited that mom and dad are free thinkers.




The prim and proper Miss Sally downs her Jell-o shot with a fork.



I stood too close to the fire and my tattoo shirt permanently melted on to my skin.