Yellow Pages and the Jesus Fish

If you are like me, you avoid companies that use the Jesus Fish to advertise. It seems very hypocritical. Didn’t Jesus go nuts and beat the shit out of the money changers for exactly the same thing? Do these advertisers think that Christians are blind and will choose a plumber with a fish over a plumber with a one hour guarantee?

I decided to do some research in the Columbus yellow pages to see what I could find.

Plumbers Love Jesus

I don't know why, but plumbers use the Jesus Fish more than any other advertiser. Here are a few plumbing examples:

Fisting Jesus Lover- This guy is putting out multiple messages here:


These plumbers love Jesus so much, they have integrated him into their logos.


This guy has gone completely overboard.


This home inspector may love the Lord Jesus Christ, but it seems like Jesus Fish is chasing the guy. (The guy also looks pretty fem):


I had to include this photo because it freaks me out. There are certain rules about putting your photo in the yellow pages and this lady has broken at least six of them.


I am confused by these fishes.

This fish says "Since 1974." Does that mean that before 1974 they were Pagans? Or is this more Bible math that squeezes our history down into 5,000 years?


Stop Jesus? Stop using Jesus in advertising? I don't get it.


Where's the fish?

I was concerned because there were several places that I did not see Jesus Fish where I thought I should:

Carpenters
Come on. Jesus was a carpenter.


Churches
Gee Whiz! I thought there would be a Jesus Fish in every advert. But none. Zip. Seems that churches don’t feel the need to prostitute Jesus out to get their customers. (Well, at least not in the yellow pages.)


Sushi
There was not Jesus symbol here, so I added my own.


There's just no reason for an aquarium place to use the Jesus Fish. That's just over the top.


I’m not saying I agree, but this extermination company seems to advertise that they get rid of most common pests.

The Real Story of Jesus

Everyone should know that the story you have probably heard of Jesus is really not that correct. Here is the actual story:

Back in 0 when Jesus was born, his parents received some stolen merchandise from three gang members (The Kings of Asia) who asked them to hold on to the stuff and hide it until the tax season was over. Mary pawned the Myrrh, Joseph and some other sheep herders smoked the frankincense and they made haste with the gold.

On the road, Mary and Joseph set up a traveling circus with a side show to try to make money to pay off the Kings of Asia. They put Joseph in a dress as the bearded lady, Mary guessed age/weight while tending to the trained animals (seven seals), and they set their kid Jesus up to do slight of hand and sell the cure-alls.

As he grew up, Jesus got sick of the circus and started his own gang. He’d do anything to get members, even talking to the stinky people and the ones with gross diseases. Free sushi sandwiches brought thousands to his recruitment seminars and Jesus’ buy one jug of wine get twelve free offer was well known throughout the region. More people might have joined the gang, but Jesus only liked certain types of men with which to hang out.

Jesus was a pretty nice guy, but he always seemed focused on his dad's bi-polar disorder. Every story he told would start out fine, but he'd always end up back with his father issues and that someday he'd stand up and tell him how he really felt.

In the end, as the Kings of Asia were closing in, Jesus was visited by Time Travelers from the future who promised to provided him a cryogenic suspension device and convinced him that if he deposited his 30 silver coins in the bank today and waited to pop out in a few thousand years, he would not only have unlimited fortune, but fame as well.

Jesus agreed, paid the money, had a huge dinner to celebrate and then was immediately turned over, by the Time Travelers, to the Romans. Jesus was hung on a cross until dead and tossed in the side of a cliff. The Time Travelers got the guards drunk, stole the body of Jesus and left behind a life sized painting of Jesus that looked almost exactly like him except that he was painted Caucasian.

The Time Travelers slipped the rest of Jesus’ gang a shitload of LSD on unleaven bread and told them that they better not pout and better not cry or Jesus would come back and make with the pestilence. After sprinkling the country side with hundreds of chalices and Spears of Destiny, the Time Travelers disappeared into the sky.

The End

Jesus Accidentally Reveals that the World is Round

GALILEE (HJ) - Jesus accidentally let it slip to the apostles that the world was round today during an informal breakfast. The crew had spent in the night in Samaria in preparation for a speaking engagement later that next day. Jesus was really hitting home the message of telling people about God by “spreading the Word of his Father around the globe.” Matthew spoke up and corrected Jesus by suggesting, “Don’t you mean the edges of the earth, your holiness?” “Excuse me?” Jesus asked quietly. Lebbaeus followed up with, “You said ‘around’ and ‘globe’ as if the Earth wasn’t flat.” Jesus raged, “Of course I meant the edges of the earth. I’m the fucking Son of God who is all-knowing. I meant around the flat globe.”

An unknown source close to Jesus believes that the Son of God knows a lot more than he is letting out, but that the encumbrance of knowing the whole story would crumple the minds of his followers. “Jesus once mentioned that Herod’s policies were pre-Cambrian. We assume that all this will be revealed to us at the proper time.” (Editor’s Note: This source was paid in silver for his account.)

After breaking their fast and gathering up the white wine and red dye packs, James was overheard speaking to Nathanial, “The earth is round? Surely he doesn't expect us to take such a preposterous concept on faith alone, does HE?!"

During the trip to the next gig, Jesus apologized and said the stresses of the upcoming crucifixion and three day confinement in the dark tomb were wearing on him. “If we don’t nail this finale, Dad’s gonna be pissed.” He held up two fingers, “Without me, it’ll just be Jews and Muslims and they could form a long lasting peace.” He held up the third, “A third branch will ensure millennia of strife and endless worship.”

At the speaking engagement, while the team prepared the false bottom baskets, James, son of Zebedee, questioned his brother John about the slip. John let it slide and said, “Everyone knows the world is flat. You know Jesus. He’s got a lot on his mind.”

Jesus Candy

My wife works at a pre-school. They have events for the kids and sometimes purchase novelty items and decorations concurrent with the theme. There are several vendors that supply these cheap trinkets, baubles and colorful decorations.

One of those companies is the Oriental Trading Company, Inc.



Once you make a single purchase from them, they fill your mailbox on a bi-weekly basis with their catalog. Usually I toss the thing in the recycling bin, but on a whim, I flipped through the catalog. There was the standard birthday kits, St. Patrick’s Day decorations, balloons, Jesus candy… Jesus candy? The Oriental trading Company obviously knows that religious people like to have parties too.

The “Walking With Jesus” Gummy Treat Pack caught my eye.



Several colorful gummy feet in assorted tropical fruit flavors! These footprints are in reference to the “Footprints” poem where a man has a dream that Jesus bailed on him during the toughest times of his life, making him walk alone. Upon further research, I found the original poem ending:

“THE LORD REPLIED:
My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I turned those footprints into sweet candy goodness, so that you would have a snack during those really awful times."

That cleared up everything…

Until I saw the “Colors of Faith” Jelly Bean treat Packet.



“Each assorted flavor jelly bean has a special meaning.” Wow! Kids can have a sugary snack AND be reminded of our God’s graces. The title says, “Thank you Lord for jelly beans. Their rainbow of colors remind me of your love.” Oh! How sweet! Let’s see what the colors represent:



WHAT THE HELL!

RED – God’s Shed Blood
This has got to be a typo or a reference to the Trinity and Jesus’ death on the cross. Either way, it’s still screwed up. They got the color right. It just seems a little gross to be happily chewing and swallowing God’s Type O. (I'm sure God would be a universal donor.) Then I thought perhaps this was the vengeful God candy and it was supposed to read, “God Sheds the Blood of the Unbelievers.” That would make a little more sense and be a warning to other kids in school when a handful of red jelly beans is left in their desk. “Here is some candy for you Billy! Enjoy it as you burn in the eternal hellfires.”

BLACK – Death and the Darkest Day
I thought red was fucked up. Luckily this part of the rainbow reminds me of God’s love.

Is it the goal of the candy to make you repent after lunch? Is it a quick snack for the apocalypse? You can’t take it with you, but why not a little treat before the ascension?

Imagine a screw up at the factory and getting a whole pack of blacks? Would you just kill yourself right there?

What if you don’t like the taste of the white ones? Is that sacrilege? Can you swap “God Created Light” with your friend’s “God’s Purity” and not piss off the Almighty?

These things I do not know. What I do know is that I will never be able to eat a black jellybean again without thinking of the four horsemen riding around and locusts. It’s hard to eat candy and think about locusts.

In case you want to place an order:

Jesus Footprints

Jellybeans of the Apocalypse

Funny comments from my Jesus Fish article

Awhile back ago, I wrote about Avoiding the Jesus Fish. My personal opinion is that people who advertise with a Jesus Fish are two bit scammers, working on the hearts, rather than the minds of consumers. Maybe a good advertising ploy, but I assume Jesus would frown upon it.

It’s an old article, but some poor woman happened upon it and found the need to comment. I found the need to argue with her using made up facts and lies. She took the bait and our conversation is as follows:

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure why the attack on plumbers, or any other business owner. My husband is a plumber and we are both Christians. No, his logo doesn't have a fish, but a "Knight" with a small cross on the sheild, representing the armour of faith. Most wouldn't even know the reason for the logo but it's what was chosen to represent HIMSELF, not to scam for business. As Christians, we are told by Jesus that if we don't publicly profess Him to others then He will not profess us to our Heavenly Father. Again, it's just something we choose to do, like others that choose to wear an "I'm with stupid" tee shirt or wear their pants down to their knees. It has nothing to do with using religion to gain business favors. If you have good service, you don't need it anyway, do you? Give the guys a break!!

Doug said...

See mam, that's the problem. If you do have good service, you don't need to trick people in by using a false God symbol. (No where in the Bible is the Shield with a cross on it mentioned, heathen.) If you husband provided good service, he wouldn't need it.

But I tracked down you husband's business and the Better Business Bureau had a few things to say:
1. over charging
2. shoddy craftsmanship
3. kicked a dog at owner's house
4. sleeping on the job
5. huge butt crack reveal

Mam, your husband should have three Jesus fishes and eight shields with a cross, a Jewish star and stack of Quran in his ads just to make sure you get all the business you can.

Good day friend!


Anonymous said...

While the Bible doesn't directly mention a "shield with a cross on it," the 6th chapter of Ephesians mentions putting on the whole armor of God, and one piece of this armor is faith, represented by a shield. Of course, this is symbolic, and so is the empty cross in Christianity. Makes sense to me, since the anonymous poster said earlier that the reason that emblem is used in her husbands logo is to represent the armor of faith.

Doug said...

NO! In the Latin translation of the Bible (I assume you are using the Americanized version) it says in Ephesians 6-12 "Thou shall make of thy SOUL armor of thy Lord." This does not mean a physical logo that you slap on a so-so Plumber's ad in the yellow pages.

You are defiling the Lord with your Pegan symbol. If Jesus were here, he would kick over your yellow pages ad in the Temple along with the tables of doves.

You sicken me.

Anonymous said...

Why in the world are you using the Latin Vulgate as your source when the original letter to the Ephesians was written in Greek...? Most Protestant Christian churches disregard the Latin Vulgate as canon.

The original Greek letter places these two words adjacent to each other: thyreos, which can be translated as a reference to a shield, and pistis, which references "faith."

The verse in question is also Ephesians 6:16, not Ephesians 6:12, or for that matter, 6:11 which sounds more like what you were referring to.

I'm sorry I sicken you. And I sincerely apologize for whatever harm any person has done to you to make you feel a personal vendetta against Christians. But you need to understand that not all Christians are the same, and generalizing Christians does nothing to help any situation. It only makes everything worse, just as Christians generalizing Atheists makes everything worse.

I understand that not all Atheists are snobby condescending Christian hating people who are trying to "extinguish" the world of religion. I hope you understand that not all Christians are Bible-beating fundamentalists who are out to further their own agenda and shove their beliefs down our throats.


Doug said...

Wow, you couldn't be more incorrect. You should check the Hermosis Guanta Codex for help with translation. Most scholars agree to the pistis meaning faith, but thyreos is a derivation of thyrscis, which loosely means a large separation of body or "A big shit." I think basically what they are trying to say is that anyone who would profess their faith along with an advertisement for their work buries their faith in excrement. You should study your bible history. This is an outrage.

Anonymous said...

Lol that was actually pretty funny. But seeing as you're just messing with me now, there's no need to continue. See ya!

Doug said...

Thanks for playing.

Jesus opens a cleaning business

I got this business card from my classmate Jamey:


Which leads me to ask:
If Jesus is your boss and you call off fake sick, will he forgive you?
Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal cleaner?
If you go into the dirty bathroom and say, "It smells like someone died in here," would Jesus turn to you and say, "Sorry, that's me."

419 Scambaiting – Part 4 {UPDATED 6-6-07}

{Author's note: This is update number four to the continuing correspondence between a scam artist and our friend, Frank Stein. Check out http://www.419eater.com/ for some other great examples of scambaiting.}

A few months ago, I posted a series of e-mails between a 419 Scammer and my hotmail Frank Stein account.

Since that time, my e-mail address has been shared with the entire 419 Scammer community and I get 1 – 2 scam e-mails each day. At some point I knew I would reply to one of them.

Mr. John Freeman caught my eye. Frank Stein responded. As it turns out, Frank is a very religious and somewhat forgetful man.

Here is our continuing correspondence.

The e-mails are separated by dashed lines. Any editorial comments are written {between brackets.}

From: jfreemann009@hotmail.com
Subject: PLEASE, I NEED YOUR FINANCIAL ASSITTANCE TO EXECUTE THIS PROJECT
Date: Mon, 21 May 2007 15:00:47 +0000
PLEASE, I NEED YOUR FINANCIAL ASSITTANCE TO EXECUTE THIS PROJECT
From: Mr. John Freeman
Tel: +44 703-196-4536
Personal email address: johnfreeman00006@yahoo.co.jp

Hello Friend,
I want to bring to your knowledge of a very lucrative business opportunity that I have. Well I work as an agent that accompanies contractors funds to be paid to them and one of my fellow official by name…
{THREE PARAGRAPHS DELETED… SAME OLD CRAP}
… I will be expecting your reply today and also a call on 44 703-196-4536 and please send to me your phone and fax number if interested. Below is the webpage of the Diplomat where the consignment of money is safeguarded. www.diplomaticdeliveryservices.net

Thanks,

Mr. John Freeman

NOTE: If you think that this a SCAM or a JOKE. Please i advised you dont reply this email, because i want to avoid embarrassment and wastening my precious time and yours. FINALLY, I WILL WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT THIS TRANSACTION MIGHT REQUIRE/COST YOU SOME AMOUNT OF MONEY WHICH I CANT TELL FOR NOW.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sent: Mon 5/21/07 12:19 PM
To: johnfreeman00006@yahoo.co.jp

Dear Mr. Freeman,
Please allow me to help you with this project. I am retired and have nothing but time to spend helping you to secure these dollars.
God be praised if this works out!
Yours in the Lord,
Frank
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tue, 22 May 2007 14:38:34 +0100
From: johnfreeman0006@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: Hello Frank, Thanks for the prompt respond

Hello Frank,
Thanks for the prompt respond towards the email i sent to you. As, i rightly told you in my first email that this project is going to cost some amount of money in getting it executed, that was why i contacted you and also your sincerity and understanding.

I have spent alot of money in making sure that the consignment is safe and secured. So, i believe the cost of getting it executed financially will not be that much because i have spent alot. So, get back to me if you are ready to assist me financially. I want you to bear in mind that this project is 100% risk free. Infact we are going to rejoice and celebrate together at the end of the project. It is also an opportunity that will change the both of us life postively.

Send me your information which i requested for if you are ready to do this with me, imean assistting me financially. Your full name, contact address where the consignment will be delivered to and you phone number, so that i can give you a phone call. Finally, you made mention that you are retired but considering the huge amount of money involve in this which i have agrred to give you 40% of the total 11miilion contain in the consignment at the end. So, you can still try as much as you can in assitting me financially, okay. Expect you are not reday to help.

You can also give me a phone call on +44-703-196-4536. I will be expecting to recieve your reply today and also a phone call.

Thanks,
John Freeman
+44-703-196-4536

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hello John,

Is there any proof you can give me that you are who you say you are? A photo ID or your passport?

As Jesus is your savior, your proof of identity will guide His hand.

Join me in prayer:

Lord, you light guides my hand and heart
Doth thou live in the amnesty of the charity of His and His only?
Mary the mother and her only Son be praised
To all the Saints and Bretheren of HolyJuan and Saint Paul.
Let this money go to your cause and the bigness that it your hugeness.

Praise God,

Frank Stein
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Tue, 22 May 2007 15:09:40 +0100
From: johnfreeman0006@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: Hello Frank, Yeah my passport. That is if you are ready to assist me financially
Hello Frank,

If You are ready to assist me financially in this, then i will send you a scan copy of my internation passport.

Thanks,
John Freeman
+44-703-196-4536
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Mr. Freeman,

The Lord frowns upon you this day.

A truthful man in the eyes of God would have sent me proof of identity without question.

Beware God's wrath if you are lying!

God has provided me with wealth in this lifetime and with His help, he will to you, but I must have proof you are who you say you are. SATAN BE OUT WITH THE LIARS!

Pray with me:

Dear Lord, bless this man in his quest for financial dollars and cash.

In your loving name,

Frank Stein
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Tue, 22 May 2007 18:16:46 +0100
From: johnfreeman0006@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: Hello Frank, Something tells me that you are the right person to do this project with

Hello Frank,

Am not a liar. Am a very striaght and sincere person. I will scan and send you a copy of my passport. The reason i asked question first is to be sure that i have met the right person to assist me in executing the project.

As, you know that the consignment contain millions of dollars and considering the lot of money i have spent in making sure that very necessary logitics is been taken care of, one need to be careful.

Something tells me that i have seen the right person to do this project with sucessful and that person appear to be sincere and trustworthy. Infact that person is no other one but Mr Frank Stein.

Please, can you give me a phone call so that we can talk.

Thanks,
John Freeman
+44-703-196-4536

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hello John,

'Do not allow anyone but God judge this man as long as he remains on Earth.' Thesolonians 32:31

I will not judge your honesty, I will let the Lord do that, fine sir. I do seem to trust you as much as you trust me.

'Let he who follows that path of truth be the guide to God's right hand.' James 12:22

Sadly, my home phone does not allow me to call overseas. Do you have an office in the United States that I could call?

'The lifeblood of Jesus will clean the pathways of your heart' - Jerry Falwell

Please let me know if you have an alternate phone number.

Frank (please call me by my first name.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Tue, 22 May 2007 19:14:22 +0100
From: johnfreeman0006@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: Hello Frank, Attach is my picture and my late duaghter

Hello Frank,

I got your email and i thank you for the encouraging word. I don't have any other number outside United Kingdom.

Maybe you should give me your phone number so that i can call you and we talk.

I attach a picture of I and my late daughter. I would have scan and send you my passport not my scanning is bad not will definately send it tomorrow to you. Remember to give me your phone number so that i can give you a call.

Thanks,
John Freeman
+44-703-196-4536



------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hello John,

Your daughter is late? I assume you mean she is late in her menstrual cycle! I hope congratulations are in order on her pregnancy!

When my daughter was late, we caught the bastard that got her pregnant and beat the Lord right into him.

I hope your daughter enjoys her pregnancy!!! I hope you have a boy!

God Bless!

Frank
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Wed, 23 May 2007 11:18:26 +0100
From: johnfreeman0006@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: Hello Frank, Get back to me
Hello Frank,

How are you doing today, hope fine. Thanks for the reply. When i say that my daughter is late,i mean she is died.

Are you ready to do this project. Get back to me immediately. Time is not on our side.

If you are ready, then send me the informations i requested for so that i can write a comprehenssive letter to the diplomat about you. I mean your full name, contact address where the consignment will be delivered and phone number for effective communication.

Thanks,
John Freeman
+44-703-196-4536
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brother John,

Died? Oh forgive me sir! My mind does wander...

Let us pray for your lovely deceased daughter:

Lord, you giveth and you taketh away. You give glory with one hand and strike down the serpent that is the Devil with the other. Take this child into your loving arms and hold her close but not so close the the fire of your soul burns her precious wings off and then she must then drink of your repentant blood to regrow them in your name we pray. Amen.

I'm very sorry. In our last e-mail, you said that you were going to give me a number in the United States so that I can call you. You may not know this but my phone does not call internationally.

Please let me have the number of your office in the United States or Canada.

I have attached a photo of myself at the Law Office before I retired.

Praise be to Jesus Lord Savior and Gracious God,

Frank Stein



------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hello Frank,

Thanks for the prayer. I know you can't call international number, that was why i ask you to give me your phone number so that i can call you. My phone has international calling access.

Send me your information together with the phone number so that i can write an application to the diplomat abot you. The informations you are to send are your fiull name, contact address where the consignment will be deliverd to and your phone number.

Take a look at the attach docunment. It is the Certificate of deposit that was given to me at the day of deposit. Remember to send me your informations and your phone number if you are ready to assist me financially.

Thanks,
John Freeman
+44-703-196-4536

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Greetings Brother John,

Your attachment did not come through. Please try and resend if you get a chance. I trust you, but would like to see some form of proof of the money transaction and your word to God and his savior Jesus.

Here is my Social Security Number: 078-05-1120 {This is the most misused SS number of all time}
My full name is: Frank Ken Stein
My phone number here is: (202)606-2423 - I run a small, part time waste disposal company, but this is the best number to catch me at. {This is the US Government number for fraud and waste}

Please try to call during daylight hours in the United States of America.

I will give you my address once I see some additional proof.

Let me say this under the eyes of God... if this is a lie, may the Lord have mercy on your soul! Back in 1973 I had a good friend double cross me. I prayed for the Lord's vengeance and three weeks later he died from a horrible bowel obstruction. In his dying eyes I thanked the Lord for his vengeance.

In God be praised,

Frank

--UPDATED 5-25-07---------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Thu, 24 May 2007 18:27:11 +0100
From: johnfreeman0006@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: Hello Frank, I just called the number you gave to me it ranged and ranged

Hello Frank,

I just called the number you gave to me, it was ranged and ranged nobody was picking it up. It is 6.26pm here in United kingdom.

Am still expecting to hear from you so that we can proceed.

Thanks,
John Freeman
+44-703-196-4536

{These are two photos he attached to the e-mail.}

{This photo file was named A PHOTO OF THE MONEY BEFORE IT WAS HANDED OVER TO THE DIPLOMAT FOR SAFE KEEPING}



{This photo file was simply named COD. They are both at the resolution I received them in.}

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hello John,

May the Lord meet and greet you with kindness and the love of his only SON, Jesus.

You will have to forgive me for not answering the phone. I have a lower bowel obstruction and when the Lord tells me it's time to go to the bathroom... Jesus be Praised, it's time to go. I will sit there on the toilet for two to three hours at a time. Grunting hymns to the Lord's mercy! I betcha Jesus on the cross didn;t sweat it out as much as I do in the bathroom. Jesus be Praised!

So if I do not answer, please call back. I do need to speak about this with you.

You may not know this, but my phone can not call internationally. Do you have a phone number in the United States that I can call?

Pray with me now:

Oh Lord, within this my Brother's phone call passage make way for the rush of fecal matter that is cut from the body from the nourishment of which you provided in the form of buffalo wings and salsa and potato wedges with cheese. Let this so on and pass and so on leave to touch the face of God.

Amen.

Signed,

Frank Stein (Please call me Frank.)

PS God be praised! The photo of the money and the document came through clear as daylight when God created the earth. Hi, my name is Frank Stein. My voice is my passport. Verify me. In the name of the LORD!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Fri, 25 May 2007 12:21:19 +0100
From: johnfreeman0006@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: Hello Frank, I will be expecting your information today

Hello Frank,

I will give you a call later today, maybe 8am or 9am your time. If truly you are ready to assist me financially in getting this project executed then send me your contact address where the consignment of money will be delivered to so that i can write an application to the diplomat about you.

I expect to hear from you today.
John Freeman
+44-703-196-4536

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hello John,

Today is a bad day to call.

I am upset that you do not realize that it is a very Holy day. Today is the Assumption of Fervor Repugnance St. Juan his Holiness Day! Are you not a Christian man? I will be busy in my prayer hut all day.

Please kneel and pray with me now. Kneel!!

Dear Lord,

Upon this day which thou suggesteth be holy, we reach out to you and your most holy and beautiful Self and bathe in your light and darkness and thus your shade. Lord, crush thine enemies with your taint and lay waste to their picnic baskets and coolers filled with nourishment and juice boxes. Lord we beseech thee.

Amen.

Please call on Monday. I'm, not sure if you know this or not, but my phone does not call internationally.

I am very excited about the money. Together, in God's grace, this project will go through!!

In my loving arms,

Frank Stein

--UPDATED 6-5-07---------------------------------------------------------------

{Brother John did not write back for several days after this, so I prompted him with a little teaser letter.}

God frowns upon you this day my friend.

You promised me money and yet you turn away from the face of your father.

Either call me with the details or tell me that you have found another caretaker of cash.

Pray with me:

Dear Lord, this nest of snakes cannot be undone with out the hand of God and the such for with thou art.

Amen


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Mon, 4 Jun 2007 12:37:42 +0100
From: johnfreeman0006@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: Hello Frank, Do you still want to assist me financially in this project

Hello Frank,

I travelled out of the state for a meeting that was why i haven't been able to check my email. I called the phone number you gave to me severals times but it keep ringing and nobody will pick it up.

I thought you are no longer interested in assistting me financially in getting this project executed. Well, if you sincere want to assist me financially as i have wanted you to do, then you send me your full name, contact address where the consignment will be delivered to, so that i can write a comprehensive application to mthe diplomat about you.

I will be expecting you to send me the informations today,okay.

Thanks,
John Freeman
+44-703-196-4536

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Brother Freeman,

I am sorry for not trusting you! Please forgive me with all my heart and soul. With trust all men are brothers. In hate, all men are sisters.

I'm not sure if you know this, but my phone does not call overseas. I've tried calling you from a phone booth, but it takes almost $50 dollars worth of quarters to call you. So far I have called your number eight times and some one with some jibba jabba language answered. Luckily I have a big bowl of quarters!

Please try me at this number (202) 324-3000. {This is the number for the FBI.}It is the office where I do a bit of side work with patients that have torn their wrists and hands. Hit the “0” button and tell the receptionist that you need to speak with Frank Stein in the Tear Wrist department.

Friend, I have a lot of money on my own, but I want to help you to get me more money so that I can give it back to God. Please call me at the above number as soon as possible so that God can get some cash.

Let us pray together:
Lord, Thy brethern seeks to reach me on your heavenly hotline. Let his voice be turned into a digital arrow that flies straight to the phone target and not stray from the path and hit the voice mail which would be the Devil's Due.

Amen and Praise Jesus!!!

Signed,

Frank Stein

PS If the voice mail picks up, hit the # key, then 1. Then hit 1337 and the * key twice. Wait for the beep and enter in my special extension #42. If it does not go though, hit the # key twice to get you back to the main menu. Dial 664-0998 and the * key. Wait for the beep and then hit the @ key once.

--UPDATED 6-6-07---------------------------------------------------------------


Date: Wed, 6 Jun 2007 12:57:51 +0100
From: johnfreeman0006@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: Hello Frank, send me your information immediately,okay.

Hello Frank,

I called the number you gave to me and it was a wrong number. I want you to forward to me your informations, if you are ready to do this project with me. In your next email i will be expecting the informations, I mean your full name, contact address where the consignment will be deliver to and a direct phone number that i can reach you with at any time of the day.

You are wasting much time over this project and time is not on ourside. So, send me your information immediately,okay.

I will have to write the application to the diplomat about you today and also give you the contact detail of the diplomat to contact him and ask for the release and delivery of the consignment to you at your home town.

Thanks,
John Freeman
+44-703-196-4536

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Hello John Freeman,

I will give you my home address and phone number as soon as I can see a scan of your passport.

The photo of your dead daughter was very pretty, but I need real proof that this is you.

I have been scammed in the past. I have sent over $10,000 to four separate persons who needed my help in the past and I have not had good results!!

I am ready to help you, but will need to see the passport or identification scan. If we need to send documents back and forth, we will need to make sure that we use Fed-Ex or DHL so that documents can be tracked.

I also do not like to send cash. I will not do that again. All money transactions will need to be via Western Union. I am willing to send cash if the amount is less than $100, but no more than that.

Please send your Passport scan or ID scan so that we can proceed.

Please pray with me,

Lords of Light, though the moon may be split in two, may your son Ookla and Princess daughter Ariel and I strike down the Demon Dogs with your Sun Sword. In that, a strange new world rises from the old: a world of savagery, super science, and sorcery. Ookla, we ride!

Amen

Signed,
Frank Stein

Twitter takes care of that pesky Jesus question

I was trying to be funny when I wrote the following on Twitter concerning @Allah and @Jesus.


I then thought that maybe I should check to see if @Jesus even exists. When you click on his name, this is what you get:


I guess that answers that!

Large Pizza with Swedish Fish and Mentos

The call came at 10:00am on Saturday morning and I was soon to be giddy as a school girl. Erik was able to go to Stu’s with me. We would leave at 3:00pm.

Erik asked if he should bring anything. My mind raced back to a story Kit told about his packing for a dudes’ trip to Chicago. Kit’s wife was on a conference call in the kitchen. Kit came down stairs and said, “I’m all packed and ready to go!” In his right hand he held a tooth brush, in his left, a box of condoms. Her brow furrowed and she glared right through him. She silently, though brusquely, beckoned him over. He stepped forward and she swiped the toothbrush out of his hand. “Now you’re ready.”

So I told Erik to bring a toothbrush and condoms.

I drove to Erik’s and threw my bag in his car (though for the entire 21 hour adventure, I only opened it to pull out my camera and later the TUMS.) He pulled out his bag and said, “I brought a condom like you told me.” Really? “I didn’t want to forget it so here…” He turned his bag over to reveal a condom safety pinned right through the middle to his bag. Nice. The trip was off to a banner start.



As we drove, I phoned Stu to tell him I was on my way. Stu only thought I was driving over. I thought it would be a surprise if we didn’t tell Stu that Erik was coming. Except that I kept saying things like, “ We’ll be there in two hours,” and “Where do we park.”

"Who’s we?" Stu’s no dummy. He said they would be on the roof waiting for we.

Along 70, we stopped to buy beef jerky, the required fare of road trips. It was at a combo BP/Dairy Queen/Stuckey’s. I forgot that Stuckey’s was like a firecracker stand that only sells pecan logs. It seemed the store went out and bought a bunch of crap from 7-11 and Cracker Barrel and then put “Stuckey’s” sticker’s over the manufacturers’ names. We chose two varieties of jerky, sodas and Gatorade, mints and a big old bag of Swedish fish.

I was double giddy at this point because Swedish fish are formed from the nectar of flowers that grow in heaven. Like liquid sex molded into red fishies. As we drove off, I popped one in my mouth and it tasted like sugar turd. These were knock off Ju-Ju fish. Fuckers. Fortunately, this was the worst part of the entire trip. (Unless you are Bob.)

We passed a billboard that said “JESUS IS REAL” except that the JESUS was at the top and IS REAL was at the bottom and those letters were crammed so close together that it looked like it said:

JESUS
ISREAL

I thought it was an interesting misspelled religious dichotomy. Erik thought it was a sign that I should repent.

Wow, we haven’t even made it to Stu’s yet. Oh, here we are.

We parked, grabbed out bags and went up and out on the rooftop deck. Stu and his wife Ann Marie as well as Stu’s sister Sarah and husband Dave were there. Stu also had four of his work buddies over. Everyone was drinking and preparing to head over to the Broad Ripple Street Festival to see Margot & The Nuclear So and So’s. Any band with a name that long can’t be good, so I wasn’t very excited, though Stu said they were really good. Stu almost won a Grammy, so I was willing to give them a listen.

**Sidebar** On the drive back, I was discussing with Erik how I was extremely happy that he came on the trip, but that (no offense to Erik) the trip would have still been fun without him, just different, as you always have a great time with Stu. This led us to two discussions. One: without Erik there, the Mentos and Diet Coke (about to be mentioned) would never have happened. Two: if Stu is a catalyst for fun and exciting stuff to happen, does this mean that every day of his life is fun and exciting to the people around him and thus to him as well? Does Stu always have a great time because he is with Stu?

Somewhere between the roof and the street fair, Erik brought up the Mentos / Diet Coke 2 –liter video that’s been zipping around the internet. Only a few of the people at the party had seen or heard of the fun stuff you can do with those two items. Erik thought it might be interesting if we did some Mentos related hands on activities later.

We headed over to the street fair and ate meat and shrimp and crabcakes while waiting for the concert to start. Anne Marie, Erik and I discussed religion while Erik and I took sideways glances over at the two chicks in old school roller skates and very small skirts. Margot & The Nuclear So and So’s came on a we listened.

They really sounded great. Hold that. For part of the show, they sounded like frozen pea soup. Their music was awesome. Really awesome. The dude running the board was not smart or there were technical difficulties. I don’t know anything about music, but some instruments were too loud at times and some vocals were non existent. I also thought someone let their epileptic/autistic 17 year old on stage with a tambourine, but it turned he was a dude in the band. I downloaded the album as soon as I got home. Take a listen if you get the chance.

We decided to head back to Stu’s to drink beer that wasn’t $4 a cup. On the way, we stopped at Krogers and bought $55 worth of diet coke and Mentos. Instead of buying a bunch of 2-liter bottles, we settled for the 16oz bottles so that we could experiment. We also bought floss and more beer. The floss was to assist with dropping the Mentos in the Coke. The beer was beer.




Back at Stu’s, we gathered a drill, various bits and tape together. Holes were drilled through the Mentos (and kinda through the countertop) and the floss tied them together in a mostly straight bunch. We tried different variations of holes in the caps and tested them outside. It was no Fountains at Bellagio, but we had a lot of interesting results.

The best was when Stu suggested a duel. We taped one 16 bottle to one guy’s head and another bottle to a guy’s back with the help of a back brace. They stood 10 feet apart and we pulled the floss. The head attached bottle worked great.

The back attached bottle shifted positions and basically shot ¾ the bottle into the back of the guy’s head.


Revolutionary War Reenactment Purists would have been disappointed.

While the Mentos thing was dying down, some of Stu’s work buddies began to catch quarters off their elbows. See photos for details.

THE STACK


THE CATCH

We circled up and started going around, starting with one. As the coins increased, more and more dropped out. I lost at 11. The winner caught 13. That was the standing record. Everyone tried to get 15 and we all failed. Our rules were that you had to catch every quarter for it to count. We then went for a second round and this time The Dark Horse (my nickname for the night) finished first with 13 coins. I was challenged to break the record with 15. I stacked them and without a flinch, caught them. Someone suggested I do 16, but I stacked on 20.

And caught them.

Then 25. Caught. The crowd were going wild!

Silence. 30 stacked.

30 CAUGHT! In the moment we were all carrying on like this all meant something. And for the moment, it did. High fives. Cries of disbelief and awe. I think I saw Erik tear up a little.

At the time, it seemed like I couldn’t fail. I was a GOD!

I stacked 35… they were hard to position. They were up. I quickly snapped my arm down and my hand grasped shut.

A defiant quarter tipped off my finger and shot into the darkness. 34 caught, but you had to catch them all.

I tried several times in vain to break that record. I couldn’t even catch 15. Could have been the drink or the ten minutes it took to find enough quarters in the dark. I’m not sure if it is a reflection on the quality of my life, but that was the proudest moment I ever had in my life. Oh wait. My marriage was first, then the catching 30 quarters. Oh. First my marriage, then Greg being born, then the quarters. (Ad nauseam, a la Steve Martin’s A Holiday Wish 1991.)

That done, we went inside and took our blood sugar. Sarah was checking hers and I asked if I could check mine. We borrowed the safety pin used to attach the condom to Erik’s bag and heated it up with a match. It seemed too easy to draw blood. My blood sugar was at 108. Erik ponied up with claims that he could beat mine. He registered 123. Ha! One of us won depending on who you ask.

We then left for the bar, our pockets jingling with quarters, our poked fingers just starting to fight off the infection from the poorly cleaned pin. We went to the Broad Ripple Tavern, which is exactly 57 feet from Stu’s apartment. Stu’s buddy is a manager, but wasn’t working that night. This turned out poorly for Bob. As we stood in line with the other intoxicated cattle, Bob was looked over and told he was too drunk to come in. Bob debated the point with the gentleman at the door. The gentleman at the door countered. Bob riposted. Stu intervened with some clever dialogue concerning why Bob should be let in. A second gentleman came to the door and interjected. Bob redoubled his efforts. The second gentleman brought over an officer of the law to suggest the Bob kindly leave the premises. Bob established his position with the officer. The officer took Bob’s words to heart and told him to leave or he would be arrested. Bob conceded his defeat and walked away. And that was that.

Until five minutes later when Bob tried again to talk his way in the bar and he was promptly handcuffed and taken away. Bob lost the debate.

At the time, we were all in between bars, leaving the one Bob couldn’t get into and going to one with a less stringent Bob’s Drunk Policy. None of us knew he had been arrested. So we kept drinking. Sorry Bob.

We finished up the night and headed back to Stu’s. In transit, we stopped at doorway that was pretending it was a restaurant that sold Gyros. Erik’s meat was cut fresh from the slab. My was dredged from a pot sitting on a burner. Erik’s melted in his mouth. Mine was part gravel and part lava rock. Unsatisfied, I stated that I needed pizza. Stu pointed me towards a general direction. I went to the general direction and did not find pizza. Luckily Stu was still in the parking lot with Erik and he walked me to the pizza joint.

Inside, it was packed with people in the ORDER HERE line. Stu walked right up to the PICK UP area which was much emptier.

“Order for Stephens,” he demanded of the pizza dude.

Pizza dude looked at the monitor. Frowned. Looked at the boxes waiting to go out. No Stephens. “Sorry buddy. No order for Stephens.”

“Impossible. Look again.”

Pizza dude took a casual glance at the monitor. “Sir, there was not an order for Stephens. What pizza did you order?”

“Large. Cheese. Check again, please.”

Pizza dude looked at the boxes. Nothing.

“Sir, there is no pizza for Stephens and there is no large cheese.”

“Are you sure?”

“Sir, I am going to have to ask you to leave.” Then pizza dude stopped. Looked at a box and said, “How long ago did you order it?”

“About half an hour.”

“This pepperoni has been sitting here for two hours.”

“We’ll take it.”

Pizza dude picked up the box and started to ring us up. Stu added, “Don’t forget the breadsticks.”

Minutes later we gorged on pizza and breadsticks dipped in thick garlic butter. I stayed awake long enough to pass out on the couch. Anne Marie had put a sheet over the couch. I’m sure it protected the couch from me rather than me from the couch.

In the morning, we said out goodbyes and drove back to Columbus. Somehow, neither Erik nor I were hungover.

---- -------

See photos of the night at Flickr

Coin catching web site HERE

Listen to Margot and the Nuclear So and So's on MySpace HERE

Diet Coke and Mentos - Double Squirt on YouTube

Religious Backlash against saying “Turkey Day” instead of “Thanksgiving”

COLUMBUS, OH (FD)– Joyce Withers stands outside the Kroger’s grocery store in the 43 degree weather with her three year old grasping on to her leg. The sign Mrs. Withers holds reads, “Thanksgiving: Thanks to Jesus.” Her daughter’s sign, which is lying forgotten against a row of carts reads, “It’s not Turkey Day, Give Thanksgiving to the Lord!”

Mrs. Withers is part of a growing group of religious devotees that believe Thanksgiving is losing its religious focus. “Saying Turkey Day is just as bad as saying X-Mas or Bunny Day. It’s downright evil.” She and hundreds of others plan continued protest today across the United States and California.

As many are aware, the Pilgrims sought religious freedoms when they came to America. Miss Wither’s explains, “The dinner with the Indians was a lot like the Last Supper. Bread was broken in the name of the Lord. Now days we celebrate in a similar way: The Turkey represents God. Jesus is the gravy and the Holy Spirit is the stuffing. I like the Holy Spirit part the best. Especially when it is cooked inside God.”

Mrs. Wither’s plans on protesting through the end of Wednesday and into Turkey Day. “We’ll be here through Thursday night and then we go and stand in line at the Wal-Mart so that we can get in on the early morning sales for Christmas.”

Jesus' Shadow

Religious Backlash against saying “Turkey Day” instead of “Thanksgiving”

COLUMBUS, OH (FD)– Joyce Withers stands outside the Kroger’s grocery store in the 43 degree weather with her three year old grasping on to her leg. The sign Ms. Withers holds reads, “Thanksgiving: Thanks to Jesus.” Her daughter’s sign, which is lying forgotten against a row of carts reads, “It’s not Turkey Day, Give Thanksgiving to the Lord!”

Ms. Withers is part of a growing group of religious devotees that believe Thanksgiving is losing its religious focus. “Saying Turkey Day is just as bad as saying X-Mas or Bunny Day. It’s downright evil.” She and tens of others plan continued protest today across the United States and Texas.

"As many are aware, the Pilgrims sought religious freedoms when they came to America," Ms. Withers explains, “The dinner with the Indians was a lot like the Last Supper. Bread was broken in the name of the Lord. Nowadays we celebrate in a similar way: The Turkey represents God. Jesus is the gravy and the Holy Spirit is the stuffing. I like the Holy Spirit part the best. Especially when it is cooked inside God.”

Ms. Wither’s plans on protesting up until Turkey Day. “We’ll be here through that Thursday night and then we go and stand in line at the Wal-Mart so that we can get in on the early morning sales for Christmas.”

Churches Running Out of Clever Sign Slogans

COLUMBUS, OH - The National League of Churches convened an emergency meeting this past Monday to discuss the scarcity of new, clever church sign messages. Head Writer and Deacon Paul Sims scratched at a sheet of paper attempting to resurrect some of his earlier gems, but to no avail.

“Ever since Pastor Virgil came up with ‘Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church,’ we haven’t come up with squat.”


Unbeknownst to local church goers, most of those clever signs aren’t original. “We have a network of sign writers and we rotate the clever messages on a weekly basis so that a parishioner is unlikely to see the same message twice. Your “Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives” sign this week was the clever slogan last week in Glen’s Falls, NY.”

At the emergency meeting, writers from various churches and multiple denominations brainstormed to come up with a few slogans to get them through the next few weeks. Father Mike shared with me the sayings that floated to the top:

• Put on your “O” face… your hOly face.
• Don't wait for Jesus to touch your life. Touch Him first.
• Not everyone gets a burning bush.
• Jesus could kick Chuck Norris’ ass (but please don’t say anything to Mr. Norris.)
• Come for the wine, stay for the guilt.

Sadly, the internet has brought the secret networking of the creative church-speak to a halt. Dispatcher Ron Creet of The First Methodist Church in Denver Colorado was quick to reveal the problem, “You can’t open the internet without seeing one of our clever church signs. Mrs. Roberta Samuels said she logged on to the AOL and saw her Lutheran Church sign from last week in a photo of a Baptist Church sign and almost had a conniption fit.”

The NLC has reached out to Hollywood in an attempt to rejuvenate their creative pool. Deacon Paul Sims laughed, “Those Godless bastards are funny as hell! We got Leno’s people to do a three week, limited, front end crawl with an option for Lent. But we had to fire them when we found out they were all Jewish. And of course, that's not the only fire they'll have to worry about at the end of the day. Oh! That's a good one... I'm going to write that down!”

HolyJuan - Atheist Blogger?

I recently I found out that I was an Atheist. Well, my site is. I personally don't believe in my site, but I do believe that an actual blog exists, so I'm Agblogstic.

I'm currently rated as the 34th most popular Atheist site on the web.

http://atheistblogger.com/rankings/

There's only one instance of my using "atheist" on my site (at least before I created this post) with this cartoon: Jesus in Therapy.

I assume the friendly Jesus posts are a dead giveaway...

Churches Running Out of Clever Sign Slogans

COLUMBUS, OH - The National League of Churches convened an emergency meeting this past Monday to discuss the scarcity of new, clever church sign messages. Head Writer and Deacon Paul Sims scratched at a sheet of paper attempting to resurrect some of his earlier gems, but to no avail.

“Ever since Pastor Virgil came up with ‘Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church,’ we haven’t come up with squat.”


Unbeknownst to local church goers, most of those clever signs aren’t original. “We have a network of sign writers and we rotate the clever messages on a weekly basis so that a parishioner is unlikely to see the same message twice. Your “Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives” sign this week was the clever slogan last week in Glen’s Falls, NY.”

At the emergency meeting, writers from various churches and multiple denominations brainstormed to come up with a few slogans to get them through the next few weeks. Father Mike shared with me the sayings that floated to the top:

• Put on your “O” face… your hOly face.
• Don't wait for Jesus to touch your life. Touch Him first.
• Not everyone gets a burning bush.
• Jesus could kick Chuck Norris’ ass (but please don’t say anything to Mr. Norris.)
• Come for the wine, stay for the guilt.

Sadly, the internet has brought the secret networking of the creative church-speak to a halt. Dispatcher Ron Creet of The First Methodist Church in Denver Colorado was quick to reveal the problem, “You can’t open the internet without seeing one of our clever church signs. Mrs. Roberta Samuels said she logged on to the AOL and saw her Lutheran Church sign from last week in a photo of a Baptist Church sign and almost had a conniption fit.”

The NLC has reached out to Hollywood in an attempt to rejuvenate their creative pool. Deacon Paul Sims laughed, “Those Godless bastards are funny as hell! We got Leno’s people to do a three week, limited, front end crawl with an option for Lent. But we had to fire them when we found out they were all Jewish. And of course, that's not the only fire they'll have to worry about at the end of the day. Oh! That's a good one... I'm going to write that down!”

Jesus as a child: Jesus is IN

Jesus Votes

Jesus... that's morbid (explained)

I have received a surprising number of e-mails concerning the "Jesus... that's morbid" cartoon asking me what the fuck is going on with it. Here is the comic in question:


And here is an explanation:


He's wearing a cross, people. That's morbid!

Ohio BMV to allow emoticons on license plates

COLUMBUS, OH- The Ohio Bureau of Motor Vehicles is allowing Ohio motorists to communicate their feelings on their license plates through something you might have seen on the internet or in your e-mail. Marcy Lance, OBMV spokesperson explains, “They’re called emoticons and drivers are going to love them!”

Emoticons are punctuation and letters that when lined up in a certain pattern, can resemble facial expressions. A colon and right parenthesis can make a smiley face :) while a semi-colon and a right parenthesis makes a winking smiling face ;).

Lance calculates that, “…with the addition of sixteen characters, we can add 23,493,332 different license plates to the system. This could bring in an additional $1.5 million per year to the BMV.”

Ohio State Highway Patrol Sergeant Brian Beekey is not as thrilled. “It is very difficult to relay a colon or a semi colon back to HQ. When I am running a plate, I need to know what the letters and numbers are without saying, ‘smiley face’ or ‘disappointed.’ I can't tell the difference between 'flirt' and 'bored!'"

Cheri Bascone, personalized plate owner, was also unhappy, “I waited eighteen years to get the ‘JESUS’ license plate and tomorrow someone will be able to get a ‘JESUS:-P’ tongue sticking out plate? That just ain’t Christian.”


There will be some restrictions to the emoticons. “We will only allow positive expressions,” stressed Marcy Lance. “Sadness, shocked or crying emoticons will not be allowed. We are still up in the air about using asterisks."

Greg and Dad sans Dad: Jesus Floats above Hell

Greg is in Kindergarten. Watching that kid learn how to read is one of the most exhilarating experience of my life. Being there as he starts to "get it" and realizing that he'll be smarter than me in less than three years is wild.

Then he brings this home (a few months ago) and completely freaks me out:


Upon looking at the drawing, you can see Jesus prostrate, floating above the fires of Hell. And he's got a smile on his face. Underneath all that is some text in Greg's handwriting. At first glance the words seem to sound out, "Pay By the Fire." This is a technique in Kindergarten they call "inventive spelling." They let the students write sentences, sounding out the words and writing how they think they should be spelled. As backwards as that sounds, it seems like it has been working.

As for Greg and this drawing, we spent $12,000 on therapy and $25,000 on an exorcist. Finally we asked Greg what the drawing was about and he said that he liked playing soccer by the fire. "Play by the fire?" Yes, play by the fire. Now we are spending $300 at the local OU branch campus to teach the boy perspective drawing.