Erik Eats: World Traveler seeks 7-11 Snack

Erik is hungry. By my calculations, he hasn’t eaten in about four months. Lucky for him, he could use the weight loss.

Erik’s crack team of Food Finders have been very busy flying around the world in search of the perfect food. This week’s adventure takes us to Egypt, the land of the seven headed snake that destroys all by shooting our streams of lava from its gaping maw.

This week’s food for Erik Eats is brought out in a traditional Al’Ecrut, the “Cask of Snack,” in which Egyptian Pharaohs were served a mystery food. Erik has donned a traditional Egyptian necklace or Fraca before opening his snack.


What could this Al’Ecrut hold?


Ah ha! Paprika Pringles!

(They look to be sitting atop a pair of ripped up boxers.)


Pringles were a native snack of Egypt before being brought to the United States in 1919 by refugees of the Egyptian/Cylesian War. Kal ed Mufurssa sold the recipe to Mr. Pringles for 2.3 million dollars. In today’s currency, that would be about $415.


It seems this half can of Pringles was purchased at the Cairo Airport for 30 Egyptian Dollars.


I tried to do the math and failed, so I headed to the internet.


Holy shit! Six bucks for a half can of Pringles? This had better be good.

A closer look at the can reveals that this isn’t just a snack, but rather a savoury snack!


Erik carefully opens the can.


Inside!


Wow. Not bad for a 15,900 mile journey and three cavity searches. (Josh went back for seconds and thirds.)

FUN FACT: Egyptian Pharaohs were buried with fresh potatoes that were held in place by large rocks. Over time, these potatoes dried out and flattened. Grave robbers used to eat these delicious snacks while making off with precious treasure. There were known to rub the potato snack under their arms to make them savoury.

(Is this the freaking Rosetta Stone or what?)

Erik takes a chip and begins to eat…






Wait a minute.. doesn’t Erik look a little bit like Xerxes from the 300 Movie?



No, I'm sorry. I was thinking about the Imhotep character from "The Mummy."


While Erik was being photoshopped, Josh tried the Pringles.

His explosion of excitement is evident.

Steph also tried them and elicited an equally explosive reaction.


Erik's decision about the Paprika Pringles?

Thumbs up, they are delicious!!

And the final test is, of course, checking out if the Pringles can make a duck mouth.


Kiss that mummy curse goodbye because this archeologist is only digging up flavor!


Next Week: A trip to Hapventten Sweeden has chocolate going in one end and chocolate syrup coming out the other.

Erik Eats: That of Which Mulch is Made with of Drink Tea and Soy

This week’s Erik Eats segment involves the consumption of a vegetarian product that is purported to replicate one of the greatest meat products of all time. Can Cha Do stand up to the challenge and can it satisfy Erik’s craving for beef jerky?

Here is the bag of Cha Do, Veggie Jerky. Made by the Companion Company.


The Companion Company was very brave to create a clear front so that we could look inside and see the mulchiness that calls the bag interior its home.

Let’s check out the packaging:


What’s this? Cha Do is a Tea Time Snack? This setting won’t do. Let’s take this party up a social notch.


Much better! Let's continue the packaging inspection.

Hot and Spicy! Just like Erik.


And it’s PREMIUM QUALITY!

On the back, I find that the bar code has been covered over by a bar code sticker.

The bar code underneath came from a lawn and garden company. I assume that is where they got their mulch based soy.

There was a very nice message on the back from the manufacturer and some Chinese letters underneath.


Let’s get Arata Isozaki to translate this mess:


Well… let’s not tell Erik this. Next! Into the package!



JUST OPEN THE FUCKING THING!!!!!


Here’s a close up of the product.


Very mulchy.

And stringy.

Erik eats…





He likes it! He says it compares NOTHING to beef jerky, but that it is tasty and very edible.

We also found this in the pack.


The blue packet must be delicious so we give it to Josh to eat.



On the way to the emergency room, Josh said it was crunchy and delicious.

Next week: Potted Plant of which grows from the back orifice of Erik

Ride

John picked me up last night to get a drink. Most the bars in Columbus would be closed for Thanksgiving, but Byrnes would not. It tends to draw in a crowd that are back from family and want a drink or those without family and need a drink. It was 9:00pm.

We pulled out of my allotment and turned to hit the main road. I called Josh to see if he wanted to join us. He didn’t answer so I began to leave him a message.

There are two gas stations on the corner of the main road and a woman was standing on the corner to our right. She was pretty and nicely dressed. The light was red so we got to watch what happened next.

I immediately thought the woman was out begging for money. I’d seen this tactic before, even from well dressed people that don’t fit the off ramp beggar stereotype. I mentioned this on my message to Josh in a kind of play by play. She walked back to a van that pulled up just behind in the lane next to us. It was the white, industrial van with lettering on the door advertising a fix-it business. The driver was on his cell phone. I thought she was going to knock on the window, but instead she opened the door of the van and hopped in. She must have been waiting for a ride.

The driver leaned over and punched her.

Or at least he tried. It was hard for him to lean all the way over and get a good blow in. She spun with her back to the door and blocked the second punch with her legs. She started to kick back. The driver now was blocking her kicks with both hands and trying to hit her back. He never dropped the cell phone. As all this escalated, I continued to describe it in the message. Even the name of the company and the phone number on the side of the van.

The light switched to green and we turned left. I could see the van rocking back and forth as it got smaller and smaller in the distance. I hung up the phone.

Josh called me back a few minutes later and said, “What the fuck was up with that message?” I said it was what it was… a play by play of a fight at a stop light. He said I sounded like the reporter at the Hindenburg catastrophe. I thought I had my shit together better than that.

We sat at the bar and drank pints of beer. We laughed and told stories and talked about a zombie movie script.

Later, John drove me home. We passed the corner where the woman had been waiting for her ride. There was nothing there to prove what we saw had ever happened.