Father's Day gift tips

What NOT TO GET your dad for Father’s Day

1. Soap on a Rope (unless he’s in jail)
2. The DNA test (let’s just keep that between Mom and the Fed-Ex guy)
3. Anything with the word “soy” in it.
4. Used scaffolding
5. Beer in amounts less than 64 ounces
6. Rocking chair
7. Old Spice
8. Elvis anything
9. Chalk or anything that is written on with chalk
10. Lie detector

What TO GET your dad for Father’s Day
1. Carbide
2. Gift certificate to Scores or The Landing Strip
3. A tie (it’s back in this year)
4. Bacon, 1 pound (raw or cooked)
5. Wii
6. Anything salted
7. Bribe money
8. Fortified wine
9. Dashboard hula girl
10. “How to Pass a Lie Detector Test” book/pamphlet

The best part of sword fighting with your kid