Sarah Palin Begins to Interview Potential Presidential Candidates to Run with in 2012

COLUMBUS (HJ) - Many guessed that Ex-Governor Sarah Palin would run in 2012, but all that was speculation until today. Sarah Palin announced this morning that she will begin her Vice Presidential run for the White House in 2012 by interviewing prospective Presidential running mates. Mrs. Palin stated in her press conference, “The American voting heroes are demanding new change and I plan to bring that new change as a person running for the position of Vice President. I am interviewing some of the best and brightest people that proud flag hanging over this great land of ours for the President job.”

In this daring move, Sarah Palin plans on running as Vice President and she wishes to do so with the best potential Presidential candidate possible. “Freedom loving Americans want freedom to love in America and I plan on being the vice candidate that stands next to the candidate that can do that thing.” She will personally interview and question each potential Presidential candidate.

While the list of potential running mates is a secret, we were given a peek at the interview questions when we dug through the trash dumpster of the hotel where the press conference took place. On the crumpled pages, some of the more serious questions included: “What is your foreign policy?” and “What role do you think you will have in my administration?” Other questions towards the bottom of the list were, “What newspapers do you read?” and “Who is your favorite G.I. Joe character? (If they say Destro they are pre-fired.”)

This is the first time in American history where a person has decided to run for Vice President and not first seek the office of the President. We attempted to ask Sarah Palin about this strategic move, but we had not sent this question 48 hours in advance to her Strategic Media Force, so we were unable to get an answer.

Palin Preparing to Run for President in 2009

PROLIFIA, ALASKA- On an unusually warm day in Alaska, Governor Sarah Palin announced that she will be running for the office of the President of the United States. In 2009. Governor Palin thanked the crowd of over 350 and also thanked God for the pleasant weather, “It’s good to see the Lord is with us today. I’m not sure where He was last Tuesday, but who am I to question His ways?”

Governor Palin spoke very briefly about the failed McCain campaign and that there was not a lot of time to “mess around” which is why she is seeking the office for 2009. “We cannot waste any time while Barack Hussein Obama shoves these United States of America down the crapper. This is why I will be running for President of the United States in 2009.”

Attempts to share with Governor Palin that the election will not be held until 2012 were met with mild amusement from the Governor, “The McCain people tried to tell me the same thing, but we are gonna push on forward and never wave the white flag of surrender.”

The Ex-Vice Presidential candidate shook hands with the crowd and signed autographs. Governor Palin then descended upon a thrift shop where she purchased $15.25 worth of clothes. “Enough for the whole campaign!” The thrifty Governor Palin requested that her fans re-use the 2008 campaign signs, “Just cross out McCain and turn the 8 into a 9. We use that trick when filling our travel vouchers at the Governor’s mansion.”

When asked about a running partner and she quickly replied, “You media types can’t trick me this time! We’ve decided not to reveal my running mate until three days before the election so that we can ride the surge in the polls through the voting day stuff.”

Guess who is running for President?

You knew is was going to happen...

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Special thanks to Dustin Heveron.

Republican National Committee Preempts God and Puts Palin at Top of Ticket

WASHINGTON DC – In another unpredictable and bold move, the Republican National Comittee has decided to shift Sarah Palin up as the nominee for President and move John McCain down into the Vice President slot. RNC representative Chris Sarver was gleeful about the change, “Sarah Palin has fully demonstrated that she can take on the role of President. Her numbers are way up so we decided to do what is in the best interest for the country.”

“John McCain is in pretty good shape for a 72 year old man, but when you stick Palin and McCain on the stage together, he starts to look feeble and sickly. Not even the weekly embryonic stem cells injections are helping.” When asked about McCain’s health, Sarver claimed, “The shock of actually winning this election will probably kill McCain. We never thought we would actually win, but now that we have a strong chance, we are taking preemptive action. Basically, we are cutting out the middle man.”

When questioned about the legality of the move, party officials stated that, “The RNC’s Executive Committee can determine if a nominee is fit to take on a Presidential or Vice Presidential Role. It is in our Party’s best interest to win this election and we think that Palin can do it! And on top of that she has assured us this is God's will."

On a final note, Mr. Sarver added, "Did I mention she’s so goddamn charismatic?”

We sent an e-mail to John McCain for comment, but he was unable to answer.

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