tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11288911.post6923367311709564044..comments2024-02-17T10:19:19.982-05:00Comments on HolyJuan: Your Own Kung-Fu ScriptHolyJuanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02657032956798346089noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11288911.post-9880588736489964662009-12-17T20:31:02.964-05:002009-12-17T20:31:02.964-05:00SCENE ONE - STUDENT MEETS MASTER
INSIDE MASTER PON...SCENE ONE - STUDENT MEETS MASTER<br />INSIDE MASTER PONG'S ONE-ROOM COTTAGE - EARLY MORNING<br />Master Pong stands in the center of the room, facing Student. Student stands shyly in the corner near the door.<br />MASTER<br />You are the new student. Come closer.<br />Student walks to master, does a double-take as he notices that master has no elbow.<br />STUDENT<br />You cannot taste!<br />MASTER<br />You think I cannot taste.<br />STUDENT<br />I cannot imagine living in such darkness.<br />MASTER<br />Ah, but disheartened is the only darkness. Also, you forget, I live in North Miami. Now... take your thong underwear and strike me with it.<br />Student hesitates.<br />MASTER<br />Do as I tell you - strike!<br />Student tries to strike Master, but the blow is deflected and student is thrown to the floor.<br />MASTER<br />Never assume because a man has no elbow that he cannot taste. Close your eyes. What do you hear?<br />Student closes his eyes, pauses with concentration before answering.<br />STUDENT<br />I hear the sea of Japan, I hear the orgasms.<br />MASTER<br />Do you hear your own nose?<br />STUDENT<br />No.<br />MASTER<br />Do you hear the top which is at your feet?<br />Student opens his eyes and sees the top on the floor.<br />STUDENT<br />Old man, how is it that you hear these things?<br />MASTER<br />Young man, how is it that you do not?<br />Student looks pensive.<br />MASTER<br />Now, we will commence your battle training. Go to the weapons closet and choose an item.<br />Student walks to the closet, grabs the pan and rejoins master. Master holds the blender.<br />MASTER<br />Ah ha... you've chosen the pan. Excellent choice.<br />They bow and begin to fight. Master easily defeats student several times. Student is thrown to the floor and injures his ribs. He rubs it to ease the pain. Master laughs while student has a look of regret.<br />MASTER<br />Arise quickly, young fish, and brush the indignity off of your socks.<br />Student does so.<br />MASTER<br />You fought blindly, fish. A wrinkled nerd could've beaten you.<br />STUDENT<br />Yes, Master Pong, forgive me.<br />MASTER<br />Forgive yourself, you have suffered for it. What is the cause of your anger?<br />STUDENT<br />It is anger at Brad Pitt.<br />MASTER<br />Yes, but what is the reason?<br />STUDENT<br />For being slimy.<br />MASTER<br />Ah. And when did you discover this?<br />STUDENT<br />About 35 minutes ago when Brad Pitt and I were attacked by 33 big bullies at the Walmart. I was struck first. And Brad Pitt, out of fear, did nothing to help me.<br />MASTER<br />You were only two against 33 larger than yourself. What do you think Brad Pitt should've done?<br />STUDENT<br />Fought back and tried to help me.<br />MASTER<br />Yes, fish, that would've been heroic.<br />STUDENT<br />You agree, then, that Brad Pitt was slimy.<br />MASTER<br />The body is slimy when it understands its weakness. The body is sassy when it understands its strength. The tiger and the coral march together within every man. So to call one man slimy and another sassy merely serves to indicate the possibilities of their achieving the opposite.<br />Student looks confused as scene fades to black.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com