(Author's Note: Stop reading now. This is an incredibly depressing story that is both heartbreaking and irreverent. I warned you.)
Lobdo is a LooLoo Bird. You’ve probably never heard of the LooLoo Bird because they don’t exist anymore. But Lobdo did exist. He ate worms. He bathed in streams. He sang the LooLoo song which goes, “Loo Loo,” which is how the birds got their name. And Lobdo fell in love.
Lobdo fell in love with another LooLoo bird named Chido. When LooLoos fall in love, they fall in love for life. Fortunately for Lobdo, Chido loved him too. They ate worms together. They bathed in streams together. They sang the LooLoo song together. And they started a family together. Four little LooLoos filled their nest. And they were happy.
One day, a very powerful feeling came over Lobdo and Chido. Stronger than the feeling to fly south when it started to get cold. Stronger than the urge to build a nest. The strongest urge ever.
So together they left the nest with the four little LooLoos behind. They flew east.
They found the source of the calling. It was a big boat. There were many animals going towards the boat. Two of every kind.
Together Lobdo and Chido found a spot to rest on the boat. Luckily it was a dry spot because soon it began to rain. Lobdo and Chido huddled together. They tried not to think of the four baby LooLoos in the nest.
For a very long time it rained.
There was little to eat. Some of the birds were able to eat at the dead bodies floating in the water, but LooLoos don’t like dead meat. The two worms on the ark were safely hidden in the very bottom deck with all the other trillions of insects.
The rain stopped, which many took as good news, but no rain meant no more fresh water.
After a very very long time, Noah sent out a bird to look for dry land. It never came back. Mrs. Raven was upset, but not completely. Ravens are kind of assholes.
Then Noah sent out a dove. The dove returned with a branch of a tree. Noah took this as a sign of good luck that the waters were receeding. Lobdo asked the dove about this and the dove said that actually he had found the branch floating in the water, but he didn’t want to disappoint Noah.
Finally the waters did recede and everyone was happy. Well, the LooLoos were unhappy about their drowned children, but that was all in the past because Chido’s belly was full of new eggs ready to be put into a nest.
When the ark did finally stop, all the animals exited the boat. Noah gathered them all around an alter so they could give thanks to God for saving the chosen few. And Chido went to Noah along with some other animals. Lobdo just wanted to fly off and build that nest, but Chido must have had a reason for flying to Noah.
And the reason turned out to be that Noah needed to sacrifice a few of the animals so that God could be properly thanked. Noah sacrificed the Yullow Mouse, the Dreemara Beetle, a Unicorn and Chido, the LooLoo bird.
The animals all dispersed, especially the Koalas and Kangaroos who has to swim all the way to Australia.
And Lobdo also flew off.
Lobdo spent his time eating worms (he had to wait until the reproduced so that he wouldn’t make them extinct,) bathing in the streams (though most were filled with rubble, trees and the corpses) but he didn’t feel much like singing.
Lobdo, the LooLoo, was a lonely bird.