A Closer Look at the Tilted Kilt

Since I left my previous job, I have really been missing my good friend Erik. We decided that we would grab a beer and catch up on life. (OK, now that I’ve laid down that line of bullshit, let’s get to the good stuff.) We decided to go to the new Tilted Kilt that opened up near Polaris.

The Tilted Kilt is like a Scottish Hooters with less of the flesh colored panty hose and more “one job away from being a stripper” skin showing.

I arrived (late) and found Erik at their secondary bar. There is a large bar with a shit load of beers on tap and then in front of that is a long bar with stools on either side. For a Tuesday night it was pretty busy.

Erik and I spoke for about fifteen minutes. Well, Erik talked and I was practically staring at the boobs on all the girls. The Tilted Kilt costume is a bra with a tiny white top tied in a knot and a very small skirt. There were more tattoos on hips and shoulders than at Hilliard Davidson High School. Even girls that did not have ample boobs spilling out would tie their knot a little tighter to make a happy valley.

After fifteen minutes, Erik and I realized that a server had not stopped by. We waited about two minutes more and low and behold three girls showed up. They introduced themselves and took our beer order. We continued to talk. For about ten more minutes. Then the beers showed up. This was really helping my liver.

We talked and drank. I finished my beer off first and our waitress noticed I was empty right before I was and put in an order for another beer. I also asked for a menu because I wanted to try their wings. A menu appeared!

Now, the Tilted Kilt has some weird thing going on. It doesn’t seem like your waitress brings your beer or food. It’s like they have beer and food runners. The problem is that the runner must have been new, because five minutes later she have my beer to the guy at the other end of the bar. I wouldn’t have noticed except that the guy next to me said, “Hey, she just gave your beer to that guy.” They quickly remedied the situation and I got my beer.

Then our waitress was kidnapped and taken off to a distant land. A small boy in a small village was sent off on a quest to rescue her. Over time he gained experience and weapons training. In the end, as a now brave young man, he defeated the kidnappers and was able to rescue our waitress.

The waitress reappeared about thirty minutes later to find two very thirsty boys. She took our beer order and I asked for the Kilt Burner Wings. She asked if fries were OK with that. I said I didn’t want fries. She said, what about chips? They come with it. I said I didn’t want chips. She said, what about cottage cheese. I said, Ok, give me the cottage cheese. She then went off to be chatty with a few better looking guys.

Out beers came out in about five minutes and my wings arrived in about ten.

The wings were great. A hot, buttery garlic sauce. No breaded coating. Cooked perfect. They really hit the spot. And fuck yeah cottage cheese goes with wings.

Erik and I are old and we decided to call it a night. We got our checks and my $9 wings were now $11 because of a side I really didn’t want. I asked the waitress about it and she said she was sorry and that she thought the side came with the wings. She took care of it very quickly and we were off.

My opinion is this… the place just opened up and they are going to have some hiccups with the service. But waiting thirty minutes to get back to someone after you have given them a menu is terrible. I hope they improve. I think I will need to do further testing.

And holy shit the girls are pretty. And there is a whole lot of flesh to stare at for those of you who can appreciate the human form. You sickos who are looking to get your jollies can stay away. This is a refined restaurant for the educated man who takes an hour to drink beer and likes to decide what pantone color the server’s “Hello Kitty” tattoo is.


Capt. Schmoe said...

You said:

"Well, Erik talked and I was practically staring at the boobs on all the girls".

Not very holy, Juan.

Smail said...

This post is useless without pictures. Personally, I can't wait to see "Erik Eats wings off a girl's lower back and gets tested for Hep A afterward"