Clay Pipe Bomb

I’ll just start this out by saying that the names have been changed.

Lewis, Tony and Seth had planned on going toilet papering. They had saved up a large number of rolls of toilet paper and had a pretty good plan of attack. They waited until after midnight and then snuck out of Lewis’ house. Their plan was to cut through some yards, cross a major intersection, hit two houses and then get back home.

After running for about two blocks of back yards, Seth had everyone stop. Seth relayed that they had to go back so he could go the bathroom.

No way. They couldn’t risk sneaking back in and out again. Seth really had to go. Tony said they had toilet paper so he should just go and wipe. Seth said he couldn’t just poop on the ground. Nearby was a stack of clay drainage pipes. They were about 12” long and 5” in diameter. He found one that had dirt blocking one end and stood up on the ground. It was almost perfect as the dirt not only made a plug, but it also helped to keep the pipe standing upright. Seth filled the pipe with fecal goodness and wiped. The pipe was then stuffed with toilet paper and they were on their way.

What happened next is debatable. Some say it was Tony’s idea and others say it was Tony’s idea. I am not here to place blame on Tony. I am here to tell you about the pool.

Next to where Seth filled the clay pipe was a hill and at the bottom of the hill was a house with a very nice in ground pool. From the top of the hill you could easily see how clean and inviting the water was as it was lit and glimmering in the darkness. The boys did not have time to go swimming, but they did have time to hurl that pipe filled with foul into the pool.

It made a tremendous splash and immediately the dirt, or similar, started to swirl and sprout from the end of the pipe.

The boys giggled and ran off to tp.

They tp’d without incident.

On the way back, they looked at the pool.

The casual observer would look and think they were looking at a paler version of the chocolate river from the set of Willy Wonka. The water was very, very brown. They were speechless. Speechlessly, they ran home.

The next day they slept in all morning and wanted to go and check out their tp handiwork from the night before. Overnight, the pool struggled and strained to filter the water, but it only succeeded to spreading the foulness evenly, especially in thick brown ring along the top.

A day later the pool was emptied and professionals came in with brushes to scrub the sides clean.

The pool was filled with water.

The brown ring came back.

Again emptied. Professionals. Scrub. Filled.

A third time the ring came back.

The boys didn’t check out the pool again until later in the summer. When they did go to look for it, they almost didn’t see it because it had been filled in and covered with dirt. The owners had completely given up.

I’m not here to judge. I will not place blame. All I can say is that the statute of limitations has passed and from the satellite view you cannot even tell that a pool once had a home there.


Charles said...

this is a heroic story of poopery....

I consider myself well read and articulate, but when i find blogs of the shitty variety.... i'm inclined to love them. It seems a little far fetched though. would they really fill and cover a pool just because of some mud and poo?

oh well... read a story about me shitting my pants in a female friend's car here:

good day to you

martin0469 said...

well written and well done for making blog of note

Bianca-San said...

fantastically disgusting.

Andi said...

Funny shit man!

I really dig your blog.

Swing past and check my new (not so good) blog out when you get a second or two.



Amy said...

So which one was you? Were you "Tony"?

Too funny.