Delicious Urinal Mat

We recently got new urinal mats in the men's bathrooms at work. For the ladies who are unaware, urinal mats are flat, little plastic mats that sit in the bottom of the urinal to help prevent splashing, both from the flushing water and from guys with high pressure. I assume they also help to keep half eaten sub sandwiches and cigarettes from being flushed down as well. Sometimes there are urinal cakes that sit atop the mats. They help to hide the smell of asparagus and 6 hour old, processed beer.

Our company upped the ante recently and invested in urinal mats that are embedded with some kind of addictive, sweet smelling perfume. I actually really like this smell. I find myself going pee 8 - 10 times more a day than normal so that I can spend a few intoxicating minutes with this smell.

On top of it all, the urinal mat has a very pretty orange transparent color to it. I almost feel sad peeing on top of it. It almost looks and smells... edible. That's right. EDIBLE.

I assumed that everyone else in the office felt the same about the urinal mat, so I decided to post a warning to keep everyone from attempting to take a bite out of the mat.




Sadly, my warning failed. Here is a photo of the mat from this morning:

I hope they put the poison control number on speed dial before diving in.


Conny said...

Your warning did not fail! It appears that it was a female team member that ate the urinal mat! Normally, you would consider this theory as rediculous, as obviously, no female would be using a male restroom. However, let us consider the evidence.
1) This is a bathroom at an instution that promotes the future of science and industry. 2) In the future, humans will evolve into a sexless, androgenous species who solely focus on the esoteric. Consequently, it is clear that the restroom is designed for both men and women.

But that's not all! Next, let us consider the language of the warning. Because urinals are normally found only in male rest rooms, there is no need to specifically address a warning to a particular gender. It is implied that only males would read it. However, we can see the warning is addressed to "Male Team Members". From this we deduce that the warning was meant for only males of the species based on the presumptions that 1)Males are unable to resist the sweet, sweet taste of fruit roll ups that smell like grandma's rock candy, 2)females using the urinal would be facing the other direction and thus would not see the urinal mat and would not be tempted by it. Consequently, quid pro quo, anno domini and scrofula porcus, a female team member is the culrpit!

Ronny the Big Burly Man said...

Yeah, good one Conny. That was stupid.

Anonymous said...

get a life conny jesus

Anonymous said...

Fuck Conny, I hate you. That was the biggest garbage story I have ever read.

Anonymous said...

Conny, I hope cancer rots you from the inside out, very, very slowly. Stupid whore.

Anonymous said...

Jeez, why all the hate for Connie?

Anonymous said...

Connie I wish I knew who your are so I could send you a envelope of anthrax you dumb founded cunt.. fuck your stupid

Anonymous said...

That's a lot of hate for a pretty innocuous comment. Think you guys need to chill the fuck out before you burst that vein on your forehead.

Anonymous said...

"dumb founded cunt" followed immediately by "fuck your stupid" ... that's just precious.

Anonymous said...

The product is actually called "the wave", by Fresh Products. It looks like the one youve pictured is mango. The company makes various styles of air fresheners in various scents. I use a hang tag for my car in "cotton blossom". You can call the company for a list of distributors for end users.

Youre welcome.