My Beef with Van de Kamp's Fish

We bought this box of 10 Van de Kamp's Crispy Fish Fillets.


What's nice about this package of frozen fish parts is that they come individually wrapped in pairs so that you do not throw 2/5th of the box back in the freezer and have to deal with freezer burn and malicious odors.


Except they do not come in pairs. All the frozen fish corpses were stuck in the same plastic bag with no high tech way of sealing back up. The package clearly shows a pair in a bag. I assumed there would be five bags of two.

So I cooked the whole fucking box.

And I almost fell prey to the oldest cooking instructions trick in the book...

Remember to always read all the instructions before cooking. I usually go step by step which would be to bake uncovered for 28 - 30 minutes. Then I would see the "flip" instruction. These instructions should read "Cook 14 minutes. Turn. Cook for 14 - 20 more minutes, dumbass."

7 comments:

angelicdirt said...

I hate it when the instructions read that way. They're the reason it takes me five minutes to read three sentences.

I'd call shenanigans. Totally.

Anonymous said...

hahahahha thanks for the laugh the same thing happened to me, i opened the box and thought i was crazy for thinking they would be individually wrapped. at least im not crazy...or am i ? lmao

Anonymous said...

How nice to use the F word on a site KIDS can come to and read. How about using the brains you were born with to think before you post. Also, I can see that there are actual words printed after the cooking instructions. Try moving your eyes over the complete section of words next time.

HolyJuan said...

I apologize about the "f" word. I didn't think that dipshit parents would allow their little bastards on the internets without some fucking oversight. I'll ensure I remove the word fuck as well as all other dirty words like tits, ass, turd magnet and FUCK. Fuck fuck fuck.

Robert said...

Niiiicccceeee...your parents MUST be so proud.

Anonymous said...

Kathryn said: How immature can you be HolyJuan. Anyone can cuss. Shock value doesn't exist anymore so grow up clown.

HolyJuan said...

I don't think anyone expects anymore from me. If you are looking for something that isn't least common denominator, you are in the wrong place.

I actually respect you less for reading my site. Shame on you.