Just like you, I am on Facebook. And also just like you, I have stupid friends who leave inane status updates that I would love to reply to and cannot because we probably wouldn't be friends anymore. Maybe that would be a good thing. Here is a list of things I have not said on Facebook in reply to my friends:
I am too short to ride your emotional roller coaster.
Your cause sucks.
No. You are nothing like any of the characters from Disney.
Your diet is a pyramid scheme.
Please fight with your husband at home.
You just ran eight miles? My ass you did.
Of course you want a drink… you are an alcoholic.
Just get a new cat.
Now there are 24 more things about you I didn't want to know.
Fucking read snopes.com before you post that shit. Idiot!
Your job does suck and your boss reads your FB page.
Yes, you are that guy.
Thanks! I was going to look outside to see that the weather was shitty, but now I’ll find something else to do.
I thought you were a racist before and now I know. Thanks for the clarification.
You are not 18 anymore. Nor are you 26 or even 35. Just quit it.
You have no idea what feckless means.
I am thankful that the 30 days of this are up.
Holy crap, I think I can see your tits in that photo.
That tattoo looks like complete shit.
Third time's a charm, dumbass.