The REAL 13 Things Your Pizza Guy Won’t Tell You

I read an article on the 13 Things Your Pizza Guy Won't Tell You. They were pretty much bullshit. Here's a list of the REAL 13 things the pizza guy wont tell you:

1. The sauce really stings the open sore on his finger.

2. The cheese that misses the pizza and lands all over the place will make it back on top a pizza at some point in the night.

3. Pizza ain’t all he’s delivering.

4. The soap is still out in the employee bathroom.

5. If you do not tip him well, your next delivered three topping pizza will have four toppings.

6. He does wish you would come to the door topless.

7. The delivery guy is not en route and you are going to get the next thing that pops out of the oven.

8. It is hard to wipe a runny nose with the plastic gloves on, but he'll keep trying!

9. 30 minutes or less is a suggestion and not a goal

10. Long, scraggly hair is in. Hair nets are out.

11. Its hard to catch the flying disc of dough, but luckily the floor has enough flour on it to keep most of it from sticking.

12. Pizza guy is always very happy and he always seems to have red, bloodshot eyes.

13. You won’t believe some of the shit that will fit in the dough presser machine.

7 comments:

DogsDontPurr said...

No no no no no!!!! I did not just read this!!!! I can't hear you!!! La la la la la la.......

Eeek Ackkk Arghhh Ooookkk!!!!!

Mike said...

i worked at pizza hut for 4 yrs and i am incredibly surprised how fucking true all of this is. I've never seen a "12 things they wont tell u" article hit the nail on the head. Btw i participated in the aforementioned activities often and so did everyone i worked with.

Anonymous said...

Yes, much of this is very famililar...I worked for Dominos for a summer and had a bunch of friends work for PH. There was one customer who was always a real jerk - 'keep the penny' kind o' guy. So one of my friends farted on his fresh pizza and promptly delivered it with a smile.

Anonymous said...

All of this is B.S. except for the loose cheese. The prep counters are bleached every night and cheese is EXPENSIVE, so big deal. They're cleaner than your kitchen counter at home I bet. Or at least more germ free. Do you really expect us to throw out half of a trash can's worth of fresh cheese every night? Do you want to pay more to compensate for the loss? As far as the rest...maybe where you work but not the 7 different pizza joints,over 25 years,that I have. There's lots of stuff like health inspectors, cameras everywhere, and OWNERS who won't go home that prevent your imaginary list from happening.

HolyJuan said...

Not sure I trust the opinion of someone who has worked at a pizza place for 25 years.

Anonymous said...

I used to work for a Domino's Pizza in Farmington Hills, MI USA. One of the drivers got caught for selling alcoholic beverages to minors at Three times the price, who at the time was dumb enough to deliver to a police cadet party! Opps. Yep he lost his job, got fined and went to jail.

Bill Monson said...

I worked as a Driver for Domino's Pizza in Farmington, MI USA and one occassion. I had to deliver 10 pizzas to an Apartment customer. Before I left I saw a code on the ticket that read "STF" I asked what the code meant, The other drivers said, You'll find out and laughed as I walked out with the loaded pizzas. I delivered the pizzas and I gave the right amount of change to the guy and he said he had to close the door and get change and he would be right back. Well he never returned, So I left without a tip, Which goes to show that "STF" stands for a STIFF customer that will purposely NOT tip ya to save a buck.