Fake News Stories to be Made Illegal

Washington(AP) Another casualty of the financial crisis might be that the Untied States Congress has lost its funny bone. A bill introduced yesterday by Rex Bauman (D) Ohio would make fake news stories illegal and punishable by a fine of $1,000 with up to six months in prison. Representative Bauman stated, “These false news stories are as dangerous as rumor and vicious as libel. Recently, I was fooled into believing that Blackwater security forces were kicking people out of their homes in Chicago. A few angry phone calls later, I found out that this was just a fake new story. This is just wrong.”

Some online publications like The Onion and BBSpot thrive on satirical news stories. Lewis Holloway from The Onion stated that, “No one could ever think this shit was real. That was until about three years ago when the actual news started catching up with our articles from five years ago.” Lewis brought out a number of articles that his publication created in the past that have now become reality. May 2000 “Fuck It, Let’s Invade Iraq” and December 2004 “Black Dude says, ‘Shit, If This A-hole Can Be President, Why Can’t I?’”

Many people assume that the news that they read on the internet is true or at least grounded in fact. The Pew Research Center finished a study that found most people believe just about anything when a credible news source like Associated Press or The Pew Research Center is mentioned. “It’s a vicious cycle. News stories about fake news stories are then parodied and no one knows where the truth begins and satire ends. Pretty soon, quotes are not being associated with an actual person and nothing you read can be trusted.”

By this journalist’s account, there are currently two fake news stories on CNN alone with three on MSNBC, two on CSPAN and one hundred and eighty two on The Fox News Network. Representative Bauman summed it up quite nicely when he said, “I’m pretty sure that I’ll be quoted in some fake news story in the next week or two and no one will know the better.”


Anonymous said...

Love it! Excellent work, Mr. Journalist!

Anonymous said...

Hey, if Representative Rex Bauman can't keep up with what's real and what's not, he doesn't deserve to EXIST.


Thomas said...

Ehhh, I loves me the satire, but one must understand that satire is satire.

When an article comes out in the Onion or on a website like Landover Baptist, that's one thing but for a media agency to present something that they know for a fact is false as being true, there should be some sort of repercussion for that.

On the other hand, the idea of government input into public speech scares the shit out of me.

Anonymous said...

Easy to get around regardless of the freespeech lawsuits.

*The above article is meant to entertain and only read as reality to those of us who use comedy/satire to laugh rather than cry.

Aramael said...

That's ace, Anonymous! It's so simple to do, yet many people (I'm looking at you, Doug) just can't be bothered.

When I tell a joke, just before the punchline I always say "OK, here it comes, this is the funny bit, it's not intended to be take as fact, nor as a criticism of against anybody who may or may not be offended by it."

(PS: Microsoft is about to declare bankruptcy. I'd get rid of those shares if I were you)

elZaphod said...

Nice try, I know Bauman is a HUGE Onion fan. Legend has it he's actually the one that came up with the classic "Christ Returns to NBA" headline.

We hang all the time, I even worked as one of his interns for a summer. It's a lot less sex than you've been led to believe.