Who will McCain choose once Palin drops off the ticket?

I do not want to debate whether or not Governor Palin is going to drop off McCain’s ticket as Vice President… that is pretty much a given. As a matter of fact, I think McCain’s consultants preparing for it and are going to try to spin it for more media cycles.

But who will McCain pick next? He's got to out do himself again. Let’s look at the possibilities:

1. Hillary Clinton


Pros
-18 Million votes guaranteed!
-boobies
-she will unleash pent up vitriolic rage against Obama

Cons
-raving lunatic PUMAs and Clintonistas will simultaneously explode causing big mess
-might end up President if McCain dies
-Christian Conservatives would get caught in an infinite prayer feedback loop of praying to win and praying to lose.

2. Heath Ledger

Pros
-major Superstar
-wide appeal
-won’t say anything stupid
-cool accent

Cons
-dead
-even dead, can’t make McCain look younger or better
-Christian Conservatives don’t like guys that have sex with guys, even if it was just in a movie

3. Inanimate Carbon Rod

Pros
-Older than McCain thus making him look younger
-phallic
-Inanimate, which means it can’t fuck up
-TV star (young kids love it)
-easy to vet

Cons
-Rod is a gay name
-Christian Conservatives don’t like the periodic table

4. Hillary Clinton’s Pantsuit

Pros
-If you can’t get Hillary, it’s the next best thing
-won’t cry or eat your soul
-wash and wear

Cons
-Remnants of Bill on the back
-reversible
-Christian Conservatives don’t like female pants. It’s the devil’s stitchery.

5. The Statue of Liberty

Pros
-100% American (Although the French thing will come out later in the media.)
-Older than McCain but still slightly hot
-Good with dates, reads books, likes foreigners, knows her place and has a huge ass torch

Cons
-Freakishly tall
-hollow
-small boobs
Christian Conservatives don’t like unmarried women with careers

5 comments:

DogsDontPurr said...

This is one of your best posts ever!

Anonymous said...

Palin is awesome. I might even vote for McCain now!

Anonymous said...

Oh, if only this photo were true, I would vote for McCain too!

http://urbanlegends.about.com/b/2008/09/02/gun-totin-bikini-wearin-sarah-palin.htm

The Red Head said...

My vote is for the Pantsuit. Orange is such a youthening/euthanizing color.

Anonymous said...

My vote is for the inanimate carbon rod. Then it can be president when McCain doesn't make it all 4 years. This would be a big step for inanimate carbon rods everywhere, letting them know that in America, even they can one day aspire to be president.

-A.J.