What would you do if your friend accidentally left their cell phone at your house or possibly on the restaurant table when they headed for the bathroom? I suggest editing their cell phone contacts list. The following list can be added to their contacts or you can take their existing entries like HOME or MOM and update them with a number from this list.
The White House - 202-456-1414
This number works as a great replacement for the HOME number. If your friend calls it really drunk one night, they’ll either get, “Mr. Biden, do we need to send a car for you?” or “Damnit George, quit calling this number.”
North American Man/Boy Love Association (NAMBLA) - 212-631-1194
NAMBLA works best as a phone list entry on its own. Girls have a tendency to secretly check potential boyfriend's phones for other girl’s numbers. If you have had several girls run for the door on the first date, you should probably check your own phone. If they see this in your phone and decide to stick around, YOU should run for the door.
FBI - 202-324-3000
The FBI phone number makes a good replacement number for someone you do not like in your friend’s cell phone address book. Then you can call them out as a government stooge and make it back to the top of the friend list.
National Herpes Hotline - 919-361-8488
Another good number to add as-is. What really can stink about this one is when you add it and the phone tells you, “Number all ready exists in memory.” In that case, put down the phone and wash your hands with Valtrex.
Aesthetic Plastic Surgery International - 703-845-7400
Aesthetic Plastic Surgery International is world renown for their penis enlargement skills and breast augmentation. Use this number under your friend’s current listing for “Doctor” or even better, “Dentist.”
Suicide Hotline - 1-800-273-8255
An oldie, but goodie. See if you can exchange this number for whatever your friend has under their #2 speed dial. OR if they have just been dumped, enter the number as is. They might need it.
Scientology - 323-960-3500
Careful with this number. I would recommend using this number with a fake name like John Travolta or Tom Cruise.
One Night Stand Hotline - 212-201-3517
Your friend rushes home to tell you about that perfect person they met at the bar and went home and had six hours of unbelievable unicorn sex with. They pass out from drink and love. You update that new number with this one and the next day when they call, they get a high pitched recording of some dude telling them they’ve been one night standed. Classic!
Green Door Swinger’s Club in Vegas – 702-732-4656
This is the number one phone number to stick in your friend’s phone as-is. Once they find it and do an internet search on what the Green Door is, they will re-label the phone number as “Stacy EnVegas” hoping one day to call it as a local number.
World of Warcraft Support Line - 800-592 5499
What’s great about this number is that I’m not sure if support means “Did you forget your password” or “Just lie down and tell me how it all started back in Necromancer school.”
BONUS NUMBER - 614-GAY-IDOL
Just because I like getting phone calls in the middle of the night asking for directions to the audition.