For many men, it is very hard to tell when a woman wants to have sex. It is in a man's best interest to know when a woman wants to have sex, so that they don’t look foolish and/or get tasered.
So here is how you can tell when a woman wants to have sex with you:
She says, “I want to have sex with you.”
This is the surest and easiest way to find out. It also usually means that if she’s giving in this easy, it is because no one else will have sex with her or she wants to make babies. Before you engage in the act of love with Lazy Eye Susan or Tranny Janice, put on a condom and check to make she is not sleepwalking.
She says, “I don’t think I should have sex with you.”
Do not confuse this with, “No.” No means no and you should back off. “I don’t think I should have sex with you,” however, is a very tricky phrase because 85% of the time, this does mean no sex. Especially when she is yelling it at you. But the other 15% of the time, the woman is saying this because she knows she probably shouldn’t have sex with you and is trying to talk herself out of it. What you should do is follow up with, “You are right… we should not have sex.” Be cool. As the night progresses and you play your cards right, she might change her mind. Or she may mace you.
She asks who you voted for
This question is very tricky and only has one right answer. If you say Obama, she’ll think you are patronizing her and going for the easy lay. If you say McCain, she’ll think you are pathetic and go into how Palin was demonized by the media. You should say, Ron Paul, because chicks dig guys who live dangerously or that are crazy and voting for Paul puts you in both categories.
She reveals her shaved status to you
If a woman, during normal conversation, mentions that she has a landing strip, a patch, an arrow, a Mr. Miagi banzai tree, a heart or a scorned falafel… it means that she wants you to be comfortable with it and to know what to look for on your journey to happy land. If she hands you a tick comb and a machete before you head down south, bail.
She sticks her tongue out at you
I’m not sure why women do this, but be assured that if a woman sticks her tongue out at you in a playful manner, you, my friend, are in luck. I’m not sure if it is the playfulness or the act of revealing a moist body part, but either way, you should make your move. Note, sometimes little girls stick their tongues out at people… The rule does not apply in these situations, idiot.
She invites you to her place
If a woman has class and self-dignity, she’ll couch the invite under the auspices of seeing the fabulous view from her bedroom, her new cute-as-a-button puppy or the big-screen TV she just installed in her home theater. If she’s a dirty-girl-sure-thing or just doesn’t care about her reputation in the community, she’ll simply ask you to come home with her to test all the prime numbers on her Sleep Number Bed. Be extremely wary of any woman who asks you home to see her stamp collection or vast collection of power tools. Be extremely cautious of any chick who requests you to help with some light digging or to exfoliate her “ridged monkey” – you might end up being made into a sweater.
She asks you to walk her to her car
While obvious at first glance, you have to be careful with this one. Sometimes, a woman is just looking for someone to walk her to her car. You can exponentially increase your chances of success by getting to her car beforehand and disconnecting her battery. When you save the day with your jumper cables and freaky mechanical intuition, she may feel obligated to invite you to her place for a cup of coffee to thank you. After that, it’s up to you, sport.
Sure-Fire
If you’re not having any luck getting a girl to flash you any of the aforementioned green-light signals, perhaps you need to lower your standards. Below are a few sure-fire situations where a woman is almost guaranteed to have sex with you:
She’s 43 or older, divorced and it’s her birthday.
She gives you free video-booth tokens at the porno store.
She has the tell-tale DUI yellow license plates on her car (note that colors vary by state, do your homework).
Every time you order a rum and coke, she mouths the word, “coke,” and starts sniffling.
She has to keep closing one eye to see you clearly at the bar… and she only has one eye.
She has a nickname like Flash, Slick, Lucky, Fast n’ Easy or Ruby.
She weighs less than 80 pounds, has sores on her back and/or can’t stop coughing.
She’s from Jersey.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
30 comments:
Ron Paul - Saving the country and getting you laid.
hell yeah Ron Paul he got me hooked up once cuz a girl was like who do u liek and i said RP and she is all i like him too and then came sexy time
Posted this link in www.surfurls.com
found you on reddit. hilarious read! voted up.
lol great post dude but why would anyone sleep with a chick from Jersey?
Jersey girls are scud missiles, and most girls from the east coast are filthy, loud mouthed, ball busting bitches - not sexy at all.
Bitch trash sluts!
best part: she�ll simply ask you to come home with her to test all the prime numbers on her Sleep Number Bed.
Hilarious!
Clearly a complete nerd wrote this list. Ron Paul? Give me a break.
Don't knock the dirty Jerz, ya stupid fanook.
I know it sounds crazy, but Ron Paul got me laid too. was in a club, and a girl ask what was under my sweatshirt - it was a hand painted Ron Paul 2008 shirt. It made her wild. we were amking out in less than 5 min, and were soon back at her place. I even made a new T-Shirt with the slogan "Ron Paul got me laid"
She asks you for a ride home. Cuz you know, she wants a ride when she gets there.
She says, “I don’t think I should have sex with you.”
I can confirm that this method definetly works.
After that comment I naver gave up, stayed cool and focused on the goal and task at hand, about an hour later I had her naked on the bed.
My wife likes sex (lucky me). She will usually say "You want to do something?"
Yep, I can attest that the Ron Paul thing works very well!
yeah, it's true. whenever i say 'i don't think i should have sex with you', or 'i can't' after a kiss, i just say that because i don't want to sound easy, i want the guy to think i hardly have sex with anyone & pretend i'm being taking advantage of, but totally enjoying it.
Dude...Ron Paul seriously CAN get you laid. It's less to do with the man and more to do with the TYPE of person who finds RP's policies appealing. I was on a cruise a month ago and RP totally got my foot in the door with this hot little chica from Monterrey Mexico.
True story, there were about 13 people from all over the ship in the hot tub around 2am. 3 girls from Monterrey and the rest of the hot tub was from Texas. (we left from Galveston) As soon as the presidential race was brought up, people started separating into groups. On my right (no shit) were 4 guys from Dallas area. Two of them were cops, with flat top hair cuts and hard-ons for george bush, war, and killing anyone foreign or domestic who disagreed with them.
On my left were 5 dems (3 guys 2 girls) arguing about Clinton/Obama. 1 of the dem girls was a lesbian from Idaho and she was (obviously?) for Clinton. She was loud and combative (and really drunk) and almost got us all kicked out of the hot tub twice. It was worth it though just to see how pissed off she made the right-wing cops.
Finally, directly across from me were 3 of the most beautiful Mexican women in their early twenties. The second I announced my allegiance to RP they floated across the hot tub and began to test my knowledge of RP and his platform. (Two of the girls were poli-sci majors)
Now, I didn't hook up with them that night, but we hung out the rest of the week. Guess which "clue(s)" she dropped to let me know I was in? It was a combination of the "walk me to my room" and "come listen to my ipod (invites you to her place)"
So, yes, RP can get you laid. ESPECIALLY with non-americans. The girls from Monterrey explained later that in their experience, most Americans were completely oblivious to how the USA is perceived by the rest of the world. Furthermore, those same Americans were unable to rationally discuss politics without becoming rude or childish. I was the exception to that rule as far as they were concerned and my affinity for RP instantly got my foot in the door.
What the h is a “ridged monkey”?
You'll know it when you see it.
hah love the from Jersey line.
im a native, and i have no problem letting everyone know that the most repugnant jerk-off can land the sexiest little piece of shore-line trash in the room with nothing more than a cocky attitude
Hi Doug! I think you have given me the best information that I have ever found.. Really Women want to have sex and they hesitate. But the clues or tips that you have given can make every man successful in having sex with the women with whom he wanted to have
Why is it that a woman who says "I want to have sex with you" is automatically considered ugly or unfortunate?
A man who said the same thing certainly wouldn't be thought of that way.
Woman have every right to want, or not want, to have sex with someone, regardless of how they look. Don't stereotype them just because they are as free with their sexuality as a man can be.
Who said anything about ugly? I think you have issues you are bringing to my table.
Get you elbows off my table!
I sat and giggled so loud to this my husband was asleep on the couch and woke up to ask me what was so funny! ROFLMAO!
i, being female, can attest to the "i don't think i should have sex with you" line. in my case, at least, i'm usually just trying to talk myself out of it.
What are you doing later tonight?
lol RON PAUL - Saving the US and getting YOU laid.
awesome
Is the entry
"She sticks her tongue out at you"
true?
That Ron Paul thing is good to know but I'd only have sex with a woman if SHE liked Ron Paul. I'm picky that way, maybe. Also, I'm not crazy...but I do think the Federal Reserve system is crazy. Okay, I'll shut up, now.
I'm from Jersey! :D
Nice one. Ron Paul part was the best.
Ron Paul 2012: The r3VOLution continues.
Post a Comment