Ask HolyJuan: The Perfect Job

Dear Holy Juan,
You seem to be all knowing, so tell me, how can I find the perfect job that pays great, the people are friendly, office politics don't exist, the commute is short, the hours are 10 to 5p and the dress code is casual?

Thanks for your insight!

Desperately Seeking Employment

Dear Desperately Seeking Employment,

First off, let me console you on the loss of your job at the Baby Seal Fur Processing Facility #23. I know you started as a humble Club Duller and worked your way up to Club Duller 3.

It’s tough finding the PERFECT job. But I can help you. Let’s look at you "perfect" job specifics:

1. Pays Great
I assume you will be wanting to make $100,000 plus a year.

2. Friendly People
This is impossible, so you will need to work alone or have your personality removed.

3. No office politics
Again, work alone.

4. Short commute
A short commute to me means about 45 – 60 seconds.

5. Hours are 10 – 5
A seven hour work day? Don’t kid yourself. Most people only get in 4 – 5 hours of office face time and two of that is lunch and coffee breaks. Subtract internet surfing and most people work about 30 minutes a day. Well mark you down from 2:00pm – 2:30pm.

6. Casual Dress Code
To me, casual is nude.

OK. Let’s throw all these variables into the HolyJuan Career-o-Matic and see what it spits out.



Awesome! That’s my career too!

Good luck with that and let me know if there is anything else I can help you with.

Send all "Ask HolyJuan" questions to


The Nag said...

Gee thanks Juan! I've handed in my notice and will now do nothing but blog all day. (Actually the timing of my resignation was just coincidental. Even I'm not insane enough (yet)to let you make life decisions for me.)

Doug said...

Hold off on the "working in the nude" thing though... I don't know how cold the water on the lake gets nor do I know your local laws. IT also may cut back on your Nagging and I'd hate to be part of taking away your web personality.