0 - 1 - 3 - 1 - 0 Theory

The 0, 1, 3, 1, 0 Theory fits for most guys. It’s a chart that traces the lifecycle of a guy’s dating gradient by counting the number of girls in his life. If you are a dude, you are somewhere on this chart. Where you are and how long you stay there makes you a stud or whatever the opposite of a stud is.

0 Girls– This is where all guys start out and where many find themselves most of the time. No girls in their life. None interested. No secret admirers. No play. Zip.

1 Girl- Somehow, you find a girl and for some unknown reason, she likes you. You begin to hang out. Life is good. For some guys (Amish) this is where the buggy stops. You meet one girl and that’s it for the rest of your life. For the rest of us, read on.

3 Girls- It is my belief that most girls cannot like a guy because they like him. Girls like a guy because other girls like him. When some dude gets a girl, other girls notice immediately and start to move in on him. The #1 girl could be living in Paraguay, but the hopeful #2 and #3 can smell it on the dude that he’s got someone who likes him. It’s the guys that can spend their life at this stage, balancing more than one woman in their life that impress me. 3 girls can actually be 4 or 5, as long as the guy can juggle them. For the rest of us, this stage is a very short lived one.

1 Girl- You commit and you are back down to one girl in your life. For some reason, guys, who are built to have sex with as many women as possible, want to whittle it down to just one. Maybe it’s because guys get weary of all the great sex. Or maybe it’s because guys get tired of listening about how #1 ,#2 and #3’s day went and how was yours and lets stay in tonight and watch “The Burning Bed.” Or it’s because of Love. I don't know. All I know is you call up or text the #2 and #3 girls and tell them that you've made a difficult choice and if it is OK to have sex one last time CLICK.

0 Girls- She dumped your ass. Listen to Disintegration by The Cure in your bedroom for a few nights straight or get really drunk and puke in a potted flower at the nudie bar. Get over it because you are going to be at this stage for a while. #2 girl and #3 girl are not returning your texts and rejecting your calls. Girls can smell desperation and they don’t like it. (On the flip side, guys can smell desperation and they like to have sex with it.)

So that’s it. The cycle begins again. 0-1-3-1-0. There are variations: the 0-1-2-1-0. The 0-1-0. My personal favorite is the Hefner: 0-1-2,245.

Me? I’m at the second 1. I’ve been trying to talk the wife into the 0-1-3-1-2-1-2-1-2-1, but she’s not interested.

The girl chart is simple. A girl can be at both 0 and 9 at the same time. She can be at 1 at breakfast and 4 by brunch. For some reason, millions of dollars are spent each year with girls trying to find the right 1. Little do they know their own power. Luckily, no chicks read my site and our secret is safe guys.


Dud said...

Dud. (n. the opposite of stud)

Sid said...

"I’ve been trying to talk the wife into the 0-1-3-1-2-1-2-1-2-1, but she’s not interested."

Lol!! well put

Rach said...

you're not amish are you? i'm female the last time i checked :)